Posts Tagged ‘unmotivated’

You were expecting to see a Writing 101 assignment, weren’t you? Well, today’s assignment requires a lot of thinking .. but not really. Basically, I have to do a character study on an interesting person I’ve met in the past year .. and I’m having a hard time coming up with someone to write about. But once I think of someone, the rest will come easy (I assume/hope).

Ugh, and so much for writing anything this weekend. My lack of motivation is really starting to get to me, and I just don’t know what to do about it. Maybe I will just start to take my thyroid medication at night instead of not take it all .. I don’t take it because I’m supposed to take it an hour before breakfast, but when I wake up I just want to eat! So I set my alarm to go off an hour before I get up to remind me to take it, but I am just too tired to get up and get some water. I know I should leave it at my bed, but then the cat will get to the before me, and I can’t keep the cat out of my room because I’m in the loft. I know you’re supposed to take it on an empty stomach because of absorption, but from what I’ve read on the internet, it’s not so bad to take it at night. I guess I’ll do this until I talk to my doctor. Whatever. When you don’t have any motivation, what do you to get yourself going?

But back to not writing this weekend .. I actually meant to do something on here this weekend, but I don’t want to mention what it is until I finish it completely. I also need to into the technical (for lack of better term) aspects of it .. meh, I don’t know. It’ll make so much more sense once I get around to it. I also wanted to do a couple reviews for my PINCHme items I got in the mail last week, but to be honest, I haven’t used either yet .. but I’m going to use the one item I received tonight when I shower. Shit, I still have to do my official review for Influenster’s Carefree #FreshIsFierce campaign on Facebook .. of course I’ll put it on here too.

Other than that, my weekend was fine. I didn’t do anything, like usual. Yesterday was my son’s 8th birthday. My dad went to his party; lucky him. Maybe I’ll be there for his next birthday .. or better yet, host it =]

I need to get on the ball about finding a job, which goes back to the motivation thing. That, and plus the fact that I literally sleep for 12 hours a day. I’m not even going to bed at like 3:00am anymore .. maybe 1:00am at the latest. And I don’t wake up until at least 12:30-1:00pm. Fuck, man! But I need to get into some temp agencies. I need to do this. My dad’s getting sick of me, and I’m getting sick of myself. It really does suck man. Plus, once I start working, I can legit have more say about house stuff, like curtains and kitchen tables.

Oh hey, what’s your opinions on bloggers [like myself] who curse in their posts?

I ask because most of the time I try not out of respect, but sometimes I just want to. To be honest, I curse [a lot] in real life and in the privacy of my personal Facebook, so I don’t care if others do or where they do it. I don’t want to lose you guys because of something petty, so I won’t continue to do so if most of you don’t want to me to.

Well, I just wanted to give a little “hi” update for my awesome followers; I should have an entry for tomorrow’s (and maybe today’s!) Writing 101 assignment.. Have a great week! Enjoy this weather before it gets too hot ;D

Hey everyone! Happy April! I’ve been around, but not WordPress, unfortunately. I feel like a dick for never writing, and when I do, I say I’m gonna start back up again, but never do. Ugh! If I had just followed through when I got my PC back .. but nooo, I decided I wanted to be lazy. But I still continued to do research and such on blogging and how to be successful in this and so on and so forth.

I really need to get back into the swing of things though, especially now. I say that because on Monday I received my very first VoxBox from Influenster, yay! Don’t know much about Influenster, VoxBoxes, and all that jazz? Well basically, Influenster is a website that you join and write reviews, ask questions, hook up your social media accounts, etc. Sometimes the send you VoxBoxes, which is basically stuff sent to you to review on your social media websites. The more of a following you have, and the better you do, the more products you’ll receive to review. Cool, eh? I think I explained it right =P and if you want to know more, or sign up! Just click here, please (it’s a my referral link). Or, you can check out my badge, will I’ll be posting sometime tonight. But ya, since I received this VoxBox, I feel like it’s an awesome time for me to hopefully start writing in here again, especially if I’m gonna be doing reviews for these guys! Oh, and also because I signed up for Writing 101, ha! I probably should have finished Blogging 101 first, but fuck it .. Blogging will come around again. And it’s still by The Daily Post, so it’ll be good. I just hope it’s not TOOOOO challenging. But maybe it’ll also help me learn how to write better (ha) .. as in not always the words “but”, “oh, and…”, etc.

But ya .. what’s been going on with me the past couple months? Psssh, not shit! It sucks! No luck in finding a job (although I’m not looking hard enough), and still no motivation to do anything.  Well .. I have a little more motivation than before, but still. I started taking my thyroid medication, but not everyday. Not sure if I explained this before, but I’m supposed to take it everyday “an hour before breakfast”. I’m kind of nocturnal, so I go to bed anywhere between 2-5am, and wake up between 1-4pm .. yeah, I sleep a long time. But when I wake up, I want to eat! I can’t wait. So I put an alarm on my phone which wakes me up at 9am telling me to take it .. but 3/4 of the time I just turn it off. And that 1/4 I do want to take it, 1/2 the time I don’t even have water by me, and I’m not beat for going downstairs to get some. But the other half I remember to bring water up. Oh, and speaking of not working .. I’ve been planning on going to a few temp agencies in the next week or two to update my resume (I’ve worked with all the ones I’m planning on going to). And April has always been a good month for me to find work. SOO, wish me luck. I definitely need it.Tired of being a bum on my couch .. and speaking of couch! I finally got a real bed! Apparently it came from my dad’s girlfriend’s sister’s house. It’s just a twin, wahh. But it works. It’s comfyish. I still can’t sleep on my stomach though due to my back issues which sucks because I like to, but when I do I wake up in SOO much pain and can’t move. But yeah, it also came with 2 little dressers and 2 end tables .. none match, but who cares. I need to clean up there, but again .. laziness. And my sister needs to help cos of the shit is her clothes .. I told her if it’s not put away by the time I get around to cleaning up and organizing up there, I’m stuffing it all into a closest . Which wouldn’t be too bad on her part, but she loves to whine. I just want it to look not like a mess. Especially since once I start working and paying rent, it’s legit going to be mine.

Hmm, what else is new? I made 2 vlogs lol. Check em out below. They suck though. I’m not talking about anything interesting (well, maybe. and it was interesting to me), the lighting isn’t great, etc. etc. And it was recording on the front/screen camera of an iPhone 4. I haven’t made anymore though cos I ended up dropping my phone in the toilet =X like, a month ago. Luckily it survived, but the sound doesn’t work on my phone anymore except the ringer when people call .. no texts, alerts, music, or videos. Blah. Plus my microphone was shit before, that’s why I’m kinda screaming in my videos. So I don’t know if it works at all now; I doubt it. I was hoping my phone did totally break though, cos then that’d mean I’d probably get a new phone. Which I can’t get even though my line is eligible for an upgrade because my dad doesn’t wanna renew my contract since I haven’t paid him for my line in over a year. But once I get a job and start paying rent and the bill I can get a new phone .. definitely you gonna get a Galaxy or a Note! Fuck an iPhone!

Well, I think that’s all I have to talk about tonight. Here’s my question for y’all .. What keeps you motivated to keep on blogging? Where do you come up ideas on what to blog about? Any tips, advice, etc. you’re willing to offer?

Thanks for reading .. I hope y’all stay tuned. I WILL be back, even if it’s just for my VoxBox reviews =P Night!

PS – You’ll learn more about this first VoxBox in one of my next posts.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GndoNCdiolk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmRhta9w1WI

My weekend was fabulous! And by fabulous, I mean boring and typical.

Posted: January 5, 2015 in Dear Diary...
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Howdy ho, yo! It’s currently about 11:07pm on Sunday, January 4th .. let’s see how long it takes for me to write, edit, and post this (I am estimating about 3 hours)! Above this (but once I edit and post this, it’ll be below this), I started writing a post for Saturday on Friday night/early Saturday morning. But by Saturday morning (8AMish), I have like, 6 cigarettes left, and no $ to get more .. luckily, I was able to space them out, and smoked my last one this morning around 10am .. then I went back to sleep, and woke up around 5pm. I’ll write more about that in a little bit.

So before I start with the stuff I stuff I started the other night, I just wanted to say that I’m glad I was able to write tonight [thanks to Andrew] (I’ll talk about that soon), cos I want to be able to post everyday, and if not everyday, then at least write something everyday. I also want to say this is going to be a VERY long post .. like legit “too long” Shit, it says I have 6,294 words, and I’ve barely started editing. If I remember, I’ll give you a final count. So, I cut it into a few sections; you will notice by the lines. Enjoy!

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Well, I woke up around 2:30pm on Friday, and didn’t to sleep until last night (Saturday night/Sunday morning) around 1-1:30am.

The cigarette on the left is a real cigarette, the cigarette on the right is also known as a "little cigar". These "little cigars" are the cheap cigarettes I'm talking about.

The cigarette on the left is a real cigarette, the cigarette on the right is also known as a “little cigar”. These “little cigars” are the cheap cigarettes I’m talking about.

I was planning on going to dose at like 6:30-7am, but I wanted to use the $3 to get a box of Cheyennes. For those of you who don’t know what Cheyennes are, they’re cigarettes, literally. Baby cigars with filters. The best way I could explain them to you (besides showing you a picture) is by saying they’re basically like Black & Mild Filter Tips. If you still don’t know, well here‘s a link to their website, and here’s a picture (they come in all different flavors; check out the website to see them all. I smoke Menthol). They’re really cheap; I can get them for $2.50 a pack, and 20 come in a box. But yeah, back to dosing .. my dad only gave me $3 to take the bus and go dose, and it’s $2.15 round trip. So I ended up texting my cousin, Glenn, and asking if he could pick me up from my house, or at least take me home (he’s also on methadone), even though if I at least took the bus there I still wouldn’t have had enough for a pack because it’s $1.50 one way so I’d be left with $1.50, but it wouldn’t have been THAT hard to try to bum $1 off random people. But yeah, so I texted him, and after impatiently waiting about 30 minutes I said “fuck” it and started walking up to the bus stop. And of course my luck kicked in, because as soon as I got on the bus, Glenn texts me back saying “yeah, sure, I’ll be there in like 30 minutes”. GRR!! I just waited $2.15 for nothing! And of course I couldn’t get a refund on the transfer .. a “transfer” (through NJT, which is basically the only public transportation bus company in NJ) is basically the extra 65 cents I paid to get home .. basically when you get on the bus on your way to your destination, you ask for a transfer and pay your regular fare ($1.50 or more, depending on where you’re going) PLUS the 65 cent (or more, depending on where you’re going) transfer fee .. then a little receipt pops out, and that’s your transfer ticket. Then when you get on the second bus of your journey, you hand the driver that ticket instead of putting money in the thingy. That way you save money since you’re paying full price for a ride. In my case, I just use the transfer to get home because [lucky for me] I can take *5* different buses to/from my house .. but a transfer is only valid for 2 hours, so you have to be “quick”. And you can’t use the transfer on the same bus route you bought it on, so since I bought mine on the 409, I couldn’t go home on the 409. BUT BACK TO MY STORY! So yeah, when I got of the bus I just gave my transfer to a guy who was standing at the bus stop and was like “hey, today’s your lucky day!” and explained to him my story, so he was happy about saving a couple dollars to get to wherever he was going. I told Glenn I was already on my way there and I just needed a ride home when I was on the bus, so after I dosed I just waited around outside for him to get there and then dose. When we were going back to my house, I told him about why I really asked for a ride and stuff, and his kind soul gave me a few cigarettes =]. At that point, I only had 6 left (minus the ones he gave me), so I didn’t even bring the pack with me because I would have smoked all of them on the way.

I spent the rest of my day doing bullshit. My friend Andrew (will explain all about him in a different post), who lives a block away (fun fact: I live at 341 Street Ave., and he lives at 241 =P), hit me up asking if I could get drugs (heroin) and if I wanted to chill and get high and stuff. I said not really since I’m not getting high anymore again and don’t wanna be tempted, and he got all mad and said okay. I told him I’ll still chill and we could try to find burn (marijuana) and smoke and stuff, but he never responded =(.

I’m literally falling asleep at my PC (remember, I wrote this yesterday at like 4pm?) and I literally just added like, 175 (give or take a few since there were a couple books and a tablet on it already) books and stuff to my Amazon wish list (<~~ there’s my list; help a broke white girl? =]) lol, I want to read and do ALL OF THE THINGS lol. I also added some interesting and fun looking books and journals for Jay. Anything you want to suggest? Like, do you know of any “interactive” (is that what they’re even called? Like basically “fill in the blank” journals, like wreck this journal, etc.) journals for kids, such as Doodle Sketchbook: Art Journaling for Boys by Dawn DeVries SokolDude Diary: Unlock the Power!: Write! Draw! Destroy! (Dude Diary is actually a series! Well, at least I think so .. there’s 5 in total) by Mickey & Cheryl Gill, and Q&A a Day for Kids: A Three-Year Journal by Betsy Franco.

These, along with all of the other books I added for Jay [and myself!] seem so much fun! I can’t wait to see him and start them. Oh, I think there was also one that both kid and parent do together, but I can’t find it =/. I did find this book (Just Between Us: A No-Stress, No-Rules Journal for Girls and Their Moms by Meredith & Sofie Jacobs) while getting the information for the previous links, but unfortunately it’s for moms and daughters. Hey, moms of boys: do you know of any books like Just Between Us that are for moms and sons? But yeah, I hope when he and I finally have some real visitation and custody he enjoys them as much as I hope we will! Like I said in my January 1st 5 Year Challenge, I haven’t seen him in over 4 years, and he’s 7.66 (lol, .66 .. yes, I do it like this! He’ll be 7.75 on the 12th =P) now. So although I’m sure he won’t grow out of any of these books anytime soon, I surely do hope we finally get some real visitation sooner rather than later =/

Most of the books I added to my wish list had to do with art, interactive, etc. journaling and creative writing, along with Jay’s books and a few randoms. Seriously, Amazon is the bomb. Especially with the free shipping over $35 (ha, wait till you read what I wrote below about the BS with my dad earlier today). That’s like, nothing! Plus, there’s an Amazon warehouse literally less than 5 miles from me (I kind of want to get a job there, but there are a lot more cons than pros .. mainly because it’s temporary work (like, through a temp agency) and because it’s warehouse work, so you’re on your feet for like, 8 hours a day), so there’s really NO reason for what I want to take “forever” (more than 3-5 days) to get to me! Oh, plus the fact that I can’t take a real bus there. Instead I’d have to take the “Z-Line“, which ONLY runs from like 5:30-7:30am and 5-6pm!! I’m pretty sure the warehouse is open 24/7; what about 2nd and 3rd shift? Blah, oh well. SOOO many people work there, so if [god willing] I do get a job there one day, I’m sure I’ll be able to find someone to carpool everyday with.

I still need to pick a couple books that i can either get at B&N (preferably; I’d much rather buy in store than online) or order from Amazon since I have ~$30 to spend since the tablet my dad returned was $100, and the new one I’m getting is only $70. I ended up pinning, bookmarking, ANDD copy and pasting the books I like the best so that they don’t get “lost” in that long ass wish list so I can look into them more before buying them. I want to browse through their Amazon reviews, Google their titles and skim through the results, check out the author and publisher’s websites, and maybe even pick them up at the library (if they even have them)! Actually, scratch that ..  I owe *2* libraries books; the township library, and the state library. The state library is downtown, so I’d have to go up there whenever I go dose, but the township one is basically across the street from my dad’s work, so I really just have to ask my dad to drop them off for me .. see ladies and gentlemen! THAT’S how lazy I am. So, so sad .. I can’t wait till I’m finally better and happy again =D. Do you have any other bookstores in your area besides B&N? we don’t =/ well not off the top of my head, anyway. we used to have a Borders and B. Dalton. Oh, and Waldenbooks … but no more =(

And now for a random story. Since I’m on Medicaid and don’t have a car (even though that doesn’t matter since they also reimburse gas), Medicaid (and I believe Medicare as well) deals with a private company called Logisticare for all of our medical transportation needs. I HATE Logisticare SOO much for countless reasons, but for today I am going to tell you a [rare] GOOD story about them! So, here we go. Since I’m lazy, I didn’t order my bus pass for January from them until 12/28, even though I’m really supposed to order it in like the 2nd week of the month before because it takes like 10 business days from the date of the phone call to receive it, sometimes even longer. Well, since I’m “mass transit eligible” (I’m mobile [can walk] and have more than 5 appointments a month (~24 to be exact; I dose M-Sa)), instead of getting rides everyday, they just give me a bus pass. But since I’ve been on Medicaid I’ve been having to call and order each month, even though I told my counselor, Kristin, at my methadone clinic, New Horizon Treatment Services (NHTS for short), in Trenton, NJ countless of times to PLEASE put a standing order in for me so I don’t have to call each month and schedule rides that aren’t even coming! But yeah, so when I called on 12/28, I got and wrote down all of my confirmation numbers for rides that weren’t coming anyway because of the mass transit order. Well, on Saturday morning, just for fun, I ended up calling Logisticare and asking a lady where my ride was after giving her my confirmation number. She explained to me [almost] everything that I already knew (nobody was coming and that I’m mass transit eligible), but what I DIDN’T know (hence why I wrote [almost]) was that #1 my bus pass was already on it’s way to me, and that it was mailed on Friday afternoon! She even gave me the tracking number, and I tracked it while I was on the phone with her just to confirm what she said, and she was actually right!! #2 Kristin FINALLY put my standing order in! FUCKING A! I was so excited to hear that! Now I don’t have to call every fricken month and wait on the phone foreverrrr (literally dude; sometimes I’m on hold for over like, 45 minutes! just so i can order my stupid pass)!! But yeah, that was seriously the best phone convo I’ve had with Logisticare since I’ve been on Medicaid. Everything I heard was good news, plus the lady was soo nice AND knowledgeable! Seriously, most of the people I’ve talked to are stupid and ignorant as fuck! THE END lol.

Ha, I didn’t notice until I was almost done writing this story that I already wrote something about Logisticare yesterday .. and now you will read the edited version of that =]

I called log care earlier (as in yesterday (1/3) morning) and they gave me the tracking # to my bus pass. It’s 4:11pm (on 1/3) right now, and I could have swore the mail already came for the day … but who knows? I’m gonna keep tracking because right now it’s 4:13pm and it “departed our USPS facility in TRENTON, NJ 08650 on January 3, 2015 at 1:12 pm. The item is currently in transit to the destination” and that facility is the post office my house’s mail comes from so I am just so confused. but oh well, it’ll def be here by Monday, hopefully before 3pm so I can go to evening IOP .. fuck I just remembered that Mondays are my counseling day, so I have to see Kristin (my counselor) at 1 .. she’ll understand though; we can prob schedule for later. (IT’S NOW 1:10AM ON MONDAY, 1/5, AND I STILL HAVE MORE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS STUPID BUS PASS!! READ MORE BELOW IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS)

Blah it’s 4:16pm (well, it was when I wrote that Saturday afternoon lol) and I’m just trying to make an outline for later/tomorrow when i wake up. i have like no cigarettes and this is just gonna suck (SUNDAY NIGHT/MONDAY MORNING it didn’t suck THAT bad; see above/below).

I also watched MADD YouTube videos, including PRINCESSJOULES (JOULES (pronounced Julie) IS SOO PRETTY FOR A MTF! YEAH THAT’S KINDA MEAN AND SEXIST? BUT WHATEVER. SERIOUSLY, SHE’S THE PRETTIEST I’VE EVER SEEN THOUGH), Daniel, In So Many Words, We Are The Strange (I REALLY want to get my tongue split, but after watching some of her videos, it’s probably a bad idea (it heals wayy too fast)), TheVenomnomnomnom, SevenFabulousTeens (soo corny since it’s bad acting and for tweens, but for some reason I was mildly intrigued lol), and LaToya Forever ( XD XD XD (<– OMG EMOJIS! HOW DID THEY GET THERE?! WELL DUH, BUT YO, HOW CAN I MAKE OTHER ONES?!) I CAN’T EVEN). I did watch a couple art journal videos, but for the most part I just added a whole bunch to my Watch Later and subscribed to madd channels. I think I’ve asked this [wayy too many times], but can you recommend some journaling and art journaling channels, blogs, etc. please and thanks =D?

I really don’t know why I’m so interested in beauty tutorials since i don’t even wear makeup! shit, I don’t even know how to do makeup! I mean duh that’s what the tutorials are for, but still .. that shit’s too expensive. Maybe one day when life is going great and i have a real job making real money (or I’m getting my SSDI check, ha) I’ll be able to buy and wear decent makeup. And lucky for me, my sister is a Stylist at Ulta, so that means a 35% discount! And she’s awesome at makeup too, so if I really wanted to I could ask her to teach me to how to do makeup and stuff. She’s actually really fricken good at it in my opinion; she should really have her own YouTube channel (although I never bother to mention it to her .. knowing her though, she’ll say something about how she doesn’t have enough time, etc.) Can you recommend any channels, blogs, etc. on makeup and beauty?

i can’t think of anything else I did today? (SUN NITE/MON MORN I didn’t =P)

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It’s 2am, and I haven’t even started writing about today! So much about my 3 hours estimate. Granted, I did spend about a half hour dilly dallying (love that word lol) after I finished writing everything above this point, but blah! Plus I need to go buy smokes (I was able to get some cash from Andrew to buy some, yay!) .. I’m so glad I live in walking distance to a 24 hour store (Quick Chek; it’s a convince store franchise from north jersey). Speaking of 24 hours, “when I grow up” lol I NEED to live within walking distance of a 24 hour convenience store .. 7-Eleven, Wawa (convenience store franchise from eastern Pennsylvania) (did you know?! wawa is “indian” (what kind of indian? pssh, beats me) for goose!), Quick Chek, etc. because just in case I need anything in the middle of the night, etc., it’s right there. And going back to the “when I grow up” thing .. ever since I drove (and been an adult) every place I lived, even without my parents, I was by 24 hour convenience store, yay.

Alright, it’s 2:12am right now. I’m about to walk up to QC, and start on the stuff below.

Okay, I’m back .. it’s now 2:23, and .. 2:23, you may ask? Yes, 2:23. I forgot until I was about to walk out of the door that I had 4 cigarettes in my “permanent” cigarette pack (basically one of those hard, plastic packs you put rollies in) that I rolled at Andrew’s house earlier. So I ended up putting some coffee on, got ready to wash my face but didn’t (I’ll take a shower (or at least wash it then) later on when I finish this since I NEED to), stole my blanket from Cedric (my sister’s majestic half Maine Coone, half regular ole cat, named after the Harry Potter Cedric Diggory), who was laying on it, then sat back down to start typing this .. and now the buzzer is going off saying the coffee is done. But it’s not hot enough yet .. yeah, I’m weird about that. Anyways, random question: what do you think about Keurigs, and why? Personally, I think they’re basically stupid. They’re super expensive, the cartridges are super expensive (and the make your own ones, according to basically everyone, are complete garbage), you can only brew one cup at a time, and the brew settings, in my opinion, come in “sip”, “gulp”, and “taste” .. seriously. I’m SO glad I was able to convince my dad NOT to buy one. Waste of money! If you’re ONLY, ALWAYS going to make one cup, why don’t you just buy one of those coffee pots that only brew a couple cups at a time? Bonus: they’re adorable! K, I think it’s time to pour my coffee =]

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Okay, so .. about my day. Now, I don’t think this going to be in exact order because I forgot some things while jotting down what I did today, and my lazy butt didn’t put them in the correct spot, so forgive me. Besides, you probably won’t even know, anyway. And hey, I might just put it back in the right spot! I’ll let you know ;D

Well, I officially woke up around 5pm. My dad texted me around 10am about new iPad (I always want to call them that, not tablet .. it’s easier to say, right?), but I kept falling asleep, so what should have been a 5 minute texting convo was actually like, an hour. And one those times, I smoked my last cigarette, which I was specifically saving for when I legit woke up, which was definitely not going to be 10am. But yeah, he was confirming that the link he sent me was indeed the one I wanted, which is Nextbook 7 .Then he asked me about my Amazon wish list .. “You want 176 items from Amazon?” I said “well obviously lol” (duh). He said “too many to browse”. I remember trying to reply to it, but I fell asleep and never did, because my next text to him said “So what do you want me to do with the Amazon” and he told me to narrow it down to like one. ONE?! Nah yo, I have a $30 spending limit .. or so I thought! This fucker spent $10 on “expedited shipping” aka it’ll take “only” one week to get here, as opposed to .. like a week! I’m so pissed, but I’m glad I caught it because I knew he’d say something like “oh, well I spent $10 on the expedited shipping for you, so you’d have it before the weekend! So you only get $20 to spend!” BS! There was free shipping on the product! Who cares if it’d take longer! Besides, shipping like that is usually a scam anyway since you usually get it in less time than it says you would when you buy something online and you just have it shipped in the regular way, am I right? And if that just confused you .. okay, let’s say something says that “standard shipping” (the one that most people get .. the one that made this item from Wal-Mart’s shipping free .. $35 and up at Amazon .. etc.) takes 7-10 business days, 4-6 weeks, etc., to ship. okay, fine .. let’s say you’re waiting 7-10 business day. and you end up getting it after like, 3 regular days .. so you just got it in much less time than you thought! now do you understand? this has happened to me more often than not. how about you? but yeah, so I just complained to my dad that either he cancel the shipping, or he’s gonna have to just let me spend all of the $30 he said I could spend. fuck, man! Oh, and I think I mentioned this already, but if not .. my dad got me a Wal-Mart gift card for Christmas, but for some reason (probably cos I’m an ex junkie) he won’t give it to me; he wants to take me shopping .. whatever. It’s been over 10 days though, and I want to and NEED to go shopping! I barely have any shampoo left, and although my sister has like, 6 different ones in the shower, I like mine! Plus I need razors. And I want to use some of the $ on it (even though I know I won’t have any left, especially after buying razors) on art supplies for my new art journal (and the Wreck This Journal). I’m also waiting on another $25 one that I got from doing a survey for the Kessler Foundation? Something for the State of NJ? CHECK IT .. yes, I know it’s legit. They said it would take about 2 weeks for me to get it, and I took the survey on *looks at phone* well it’s not in my call log anymore (I figured it wouldn’t be anyway), but I definitely know I did it on a Monday, maybeee a Tuesday, so either 12/15-16 or 12/22-23, so it’s been 2 weeks (since it’s technically Monday now).

So after I finally woke up, I had some breakfast (two piece of toast [no more bagels )=] with cream cheese) and coffee. Then I ended up hitting up Andrew because like I said, he lives right down the street, and I know that #1 he just got his check, so he’ll have smokes #2 he has a cigarette rolling machine, so even if he doesn’t have smokes, he’ll have smokes lol. Luckily he told me to come over, and when I got there he gave me a few =] long story short, we chilled, watched the first two episodes of American Horror Story: Coven since we watched the first two seasons together, and I’m watching the 4th season now, and had some DiGiorno pizza. Ha, and when he went downstairs to get the pizza, I literally stole a handful of smokes and put them in my hard pack =X. He’s an alcoholic and of course he was drinking, and he’s also crazy so he takes crazy pills. When he takes his night ones and he’s drunk, he literally starts falling asleep on himself. He ended up taking them around 9-9:30pm? So around 10pm he was basically passed out, so I rolled some smokes for him (and myself, hehe), said goodbye, came home, and started playing on the internet (before I started writing this).

I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but about a month ago I was helping Kev and Earl do illegal things (I won’t get into specifics today, or maybe anytime soon, in case I get myself in trouble). Well, Kev fucked up and got the wrong stuff (makeup), so he was stuck with literally tons of makeup. So yay, free makeup for me! Well, more like free makeup for his girlfriend, and some for me. He gave me this chubby which is basically a lipstick and blush stick (don’t remember the name or brand, and don’t want to get up to look), this concealer/highlighter thing by L’Oreal? Liquid makeup (don’t know the exact kind/name) by either L’Oreal or Revlon, and this BB cream Almay stuff (I say stuff because it technically doesn’t say “bb cream” on it, but I know it’s cover up/foundation/whatever you want to call it) that’s supposed to like, instantly match your skin tone. Well, as stated above, I’m a makeup .. failure. Well today, I finally decided to try the Liquid and BB cream. Well, I really only used the BB cream; the liquid I swatched first, and it was too dark .. luckily, the BB cream was perfect. So I put it on with my hands, and I was kinda disappointed that it didn’t provide full coverage (I figured it wouldn’t), but it evened out my skin toned and just made it look nice without covering up my zits, pores, and “beauty marks” (I hate the word moles; plus they’re small and not raised. I would have said “freckles” since that’s just usually what I say, but). I don’t remember if it covered up my actual freckles, and I’m not getting up to look .. but I don’t think so. Boo. I can’t wait till one day I learn how to do this shit .. I mean when I was younger I still had the freckles, but I didn’t get acne until my 20’s, and the big pores are a result from picking at my acne when I was getting high. Seriously, if you look at pictures of me from before I was getting high, compared to when I was getting high till now .. oh man. Luckily, my acne has finally gone away, and I barely have a routine .. I wash with Pan Oxyl, 10%, and then put on an Rx of Benzyol Peroxide 5% .. that’s it. I do the Rx EVERYDAY, at least once a day .. unfortunately, I don’t wash everyday, blah yes I’m gross. I would show you pix, but #1 I don’t have terrible ones cos ya know, you wouldn’t post, or even take pix with gigantic zits all over #2 the PC is going SOO slow since I have a few tabs open, so it’d take me a while to browse through FB. So yeah, when I my sister came home, I asked for opinion on everything I had (except the chubby). She said the liquid will expire before the summer (when I have a nice tan and it’ll be good), so boo for that. And the BB cream looks good. She also told me that she learned most of her makeup skills from YouTube, ah! She went to and graduated from Paul Mitchell, so for some reason I always assumed she took like extra classes in makeup or something lol.

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Okay, I’m done writing about my day, yay! And it’s “only” 3:44am, ha! Now, on to randomness that I thought of while working on this entry…

Random thought: does the hour 3-4am freak you out, especially waking up at this time? How about 3:33 and waking up then? GAH, it does me!

OMG I have followers! Don Charisma, Fiction Limbo, and Alice .. SUP Y’ALL?! Why aren’t you guys chatting with me and answering my questions! it makes me sad =( lol, it’s partially my fault though since I haven’t read much of your stuff as well. And @thoughtsfromalice, I think you only have a couple of posts, am I right?

I barely listen to music anymore! Since I don’t drive (or hang out with anyone [with a car]), I don’t even listen to the radio. Literally, the only music I listen to is my sad Spotify playlist with 239 songs that are all at least a year old! I wouldddd link you to it, but I don’t know the URL. Plus, my real name is listed on it. Now, I’m not one of those weird people who are like, freaked out about putting my name on the internet, because I really don’t care. And my Facebook has my real name. I just like using the name The Nameless Wonder as my online persona. You might know my name one day, and if you really wanna do some research you’ll find it, but until then .. la la la. Oh, I did find this, though .. my Spotify user number: 12124279195. Maybe by using that and finding my playlist you’ll know my name, but who knows. I don’t even know how you would look me up; I just randomly found it when I clicked my picture in the app for my PC.

Hey, I asked you a couple posts ago about SSDI/SSI. I still haven’t done anything I’ve been meaning to since I posted that; thank you laziness. Should I just get a lawyer for my SSDI? He’ll definitely help me with everything so I don’t have to do anything, haha. I don’t know, yo .. I just want to do that simply so I can have more time to go back to school while still having an income and health insurance. Blah!

Remember what I said above about the USPS’s website says about my bus pass? If you don’t remember, please don’t scroll; I’ll copy and paste it! It says:

Well, when I woke up, and through out the evening and night I kept looking at it (for no reason since it’s Sunday), and even though it’s said this same thing since I looked at the first time, it’s changed from yesterday. It now says “Your item departed our USPS facility in TRENTON, NJ 08650 on January 4, 2015 at 4:09 am. The item is currently in transit to the destination. Information, if available, is updated periodically throughout the day. Please check again later.” And no longer says what it says about 1/3 .. like it totally disappeared! WTF?! I’m especially confused that it says this since doesn’t’ the post office not operate on Sundays? Like, how is it in transit to it’s destination (my house, or NHTS because of the standing order) if it’s Sunday .. well, Monday now? Whatever yo, at least this *HOPEFULLY* means that’s I’ll get it today. Watch, I’m either gonna get a ride to NHTS from my dad, and it’s gonna get delivered to NHTS, and the mail is gonna get there super late, like after 2, which is when I’m supposed to be done there. OR, my dad’s not gonna give me a ride, and it’s gonna come to my house, and the mail is gonna come extra late, like after 3:10-15, so I miss at least the first hour of evening IOP (I can do either or) AND I have to reschedule my weekly with Kristin. If he doesn’t give me a ride, I should try to remember to call Logisticare and find out where the pass is being mailed to since the tracking doesn’t tell me, and then call Kristin and tell here where it’s going to and let her know I might need to reschedule.

I spoke of (and linked you to) my Amazon wish list above. While I mentioned this, I also said something about pinning/bookmarking/etc. them. Well, here’s a list of all of them .. as in, here‘s the link to that board on my Pintrest. Please, tell me .. have you read of any these before? Did you like them, or not? Why or why not? Need opinions, please! Also, like I’ve asked before .. please, recommend!!! I need to know which book (or two) I should get besides Wreck This Journal and Wreck This Journal Everywhere! If you could only choose between Wreck This Journal and Wreck This Journal Everywhere, which would you choose? Or maybe you could at least tell me what kind of supplies I should get for my art journal, or Wreck This? Anything! Please! Also, have you ever heard of the Kokology games/books? What do you think of them? While I was browsing around Amazon adding everything in site to my wish list, I stumbled across these books, and they sounded really fun, so I wrote down the name “Kokology” and added them to my wish list. I finally just Googled the term, found that website, and played the strawberry game. After playing, I was reading the answers and was like “ooooooooooohhh, yeahhhhhh, I remember this game” Except it was about strawberries, it was about crossing a body of water, finding a cup, coming up to a house, etc. .. do you remember now? Ah well, if you go to the site and play the strawberry game, if you ever did the one I’m talking about, you’d remember. IF YOU’RE GOING TO LOOK INTO ONLY THING I TALK ABOUT IN THIS ENTIRE POST, I HIGHLY SUGGEST LOOKING INTO KOKOLOGY, K?

If I end up getting the motivation to actually take a shower instead of just washing my face, I’m gonna ask my dad to give me a ride to NHTS (you read it above .. my methadone clinic. This is what I’m going to call it from now on .. that, or New Horz) when he gets home (he stays at his girlfriend’s house like, every night, and then comes home in the morning to shower and get ready). Hopefully he says, especially because I just need him to drop me off instead of wait for me because I’m going to stay for IOP instead of just dose. But I’m going to need $1.50 to get home since I won’t have my bus pass.

Well, it’s now 4:21am, and I’m not even done yet! Well, I am .. it’s just that I have one thing left to do, and that’s give a shout out to my followers and likers above, where I wrote “OMG I have followers!” But first, I finished all of my cigarettes. And it’s after 3am. So now I’ll walk up to QC and get smokes. When I come back, I’ll finish up writing, then I’ll edit and FINALLY publish. THEN I CAN DO DAY 4 AND 5 OF MY CHALLENGE! MAYBE. DEPENDS ON IF MY DAD CAME HOME LOL .. HE USUALLY COMES HOME SOMETIMES BEFORE 8:15, BUT USUALLY AROUND 7:30. WHY AM I WRITING AND CAPS? AND WHY AM I HEARING WEIRD NOISES? UGH I AM SO FREAKED OUT RIGHT NOW TO GO OUTSIDE. FUCK IT IMMA JUST STOP WRITING HERE AND TAKE A LITTLE NAP, FUCK THIS I AM FREAKED OUT. CEDRIC WHERE ARE YOU! YOU’LL SCARE EM! THERE HE IS, HIDING ON THE COUCH UNDERISH THE BLANKET I GAVE HIM SINCE I STOLE MINE FROM HIM ❤

LOL, 4:56; I never went to sleep. It’s the wind. I’m going now, as soon as I download BlueStacks and Show Box (I would have linked you, but I was right; it was a virus .. it’s officially been taken off the internet). BlueStacks is and Android app emulator and Show Box is an Android App that lets me watch movies and TV shows online for free, cool beanz! Andrew introduced me to it earlier; he was telling me some guy at Radio Shack (ha) told him about it .. he said he’s been using it to watch stuff when he can’t find something on Netflix. Alrighty, BlueStacks is done, so now I’m gonna start download Show Box so when I get back from QC it’ll be done. UGH THIS WIND, so creeped out. 5AM EXACTLY! PS – Haven’t gone yet; think that Show Box thing was a virus. Oh well, virus protection on here! Guess I’ll just have to wait to get Andrew’s Netflix info so I can finish watching Coven. Speaking of login info .. I still have this girl Becky’s (from my old halfway house when I went down to FL last year for the whole “recovery” BS) login info. Hmm, let’s see .. it worked, yay! too bad I can’t watch RIGHT NOW since I need to go to QC, edit this, post it, POSSIBLY do my challenge, and then do my first! Blogging 101 lesson: All About Me! Which is good, because I’ve been wanting to do that =] But yeah, that’s why I said POSSIBLY do my challenge, cos I can always do that later. I’m on a time limit with my lesson. And when I go to IOP (if my dad takes me; if not, I’ll be sleeping .. well maybe. We’ll see) I can continue to write my lesson, and if I already finished it, I’ll just work on my challenge! Alright; 5:12. Let’s time me! OMFG THIS WIND IS CREEPING ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m back, and it’s 5:38! So that took 26 minutes .. not bad. I figured it’d be about that much. I went out in basketball shorts and my sister’s nice, warm Calvin Klein coat, and surprisingly, it wasn’t that bad! I REALLY wanted to finish this when i got back, but Cedric just hopped on me and started nipping at me. I fricken hates that he does it, but I know he’s just doing it to show me love. But it still hurts and it’s annoying and I want to get him to stop ahh! I’ve tried spraying water, hissing at him, and pulling his whiskers and ear, but nothing! FUCKKKKKKKK lol. So maybe I can just cuddle on the couch with him for a little. Or type with one hand while i hold his mouth closed, ha. I can always just edit until it gets really annoying cos I can always keep saving! okay, let’s try that… oh, thank god! After like, 3 minutes, he hopped off.

YO, 10 HOURS LATER; I’M DONE. FINALLY. THANK THE LORD. HOLLA IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE WHOLE THING. HOLLA EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T. HOLLA FO A DOLLA.

FINALLY, I’M OUT. FUCK A CHALLENGE, AND FUCK A LESSON (WELL, FOR NOW). I’M OFF TO NAPPY NAP! BE BACK TONIGHT =] ❤

6576 AMOUNT OF WORDS, INCLUDING ALL OF THE STUFF IN THIS PARAGRAPH. THAT’S 282 MORE THAN I WROTE AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS, WTF! HOW, YO? I SAY YO ALOT, MAYBE THAT’S WHY…

hey guys! soo much to write, soo little space. not really, since i also have alot of space .. but ya know, my “too long” posts thing. i have lots to talk about this post including: how my day went and what i did, the 30 day challenge i chose, this blog, EMOJIS, and more!

first up: my day. like i said in my last post, i woke up at 2:30pm today (well, technically yesterday since it’s 12:08am 1/3 now). i started out by opening all of the windows and “baking” vanilla (see below) because i knew my dad would be home from work in a few hours, and i smoked [cigarettes] SOO much in the house even though i’m not supposed to =X then i had some coffee, chilled out, then ate a couple bagels with cream cheese (yo, plain thomas bagel things are the fricken bomb! especially when you toast them and spread on a nice layer of whipped cream cheese .. heaven!!). fun fact: never liked cream cheese until a few years ago when a dumbass at dunkin donuts put cream cheese on my bagel instead of butter .. i said fuck it and ate it and  i was literally in heaven. bagels with cream cheese are now officially my favorite food; take note =] i did some blog stuff like researching and reading .. then a little after 5 when my dad was on his way home from work he texted me telling me to pack up the tablet he got me for xmas so he can go return it. oh, and i also asked him for a few bucks to catch the bus to get my methadone tomorrow/today since my lazy, unmotivated ass didn’t call logisticare (medical transportation company for people on medicaid) for my bus pass until 12/28 when i was supposed to call them like AT LEAST 3 weeks in advance .. oops. but yeah, i’ve basically just been sitting here at the PC for the past like +7-8 hours playing on youtube (check out my channel!) and subscribing to like, everything. then i finally got around to writing, editing, and posting the previous post. i also browsed for some themes, and damn! making a nice “layout” is easier said that done! actually, scratch that .. all of it is hard as shit! can’t i just have something nice and plain for now that’s easily customizable? hmm, what else about my day? ha! yo, i literally took the world’s longest crap today, seriously. i wish i took a picture .. i actually contemplated it, too. it was AT LEAST a foot long. okay, that’s enough on that .. i signed up for this blogging 101 online class thing by the daily post. i’m really excited for it to be honest; i’m really hoping it’ll help me in becoming the journal blogger person girl yeah i want to become =] until then, [i’m pretty sure i’ve asked this before] do y’all have any tips/advice/sites you can link me to/etc. for me, based on what you have read so far?? 

oh, i almost forgot .. baking vanilla you may ask? Well i’m sure you’ve read somewhere on the internet that if you put a couple of capfuls of vanilla into a coffee cup and put it into the oven for an hour on 300° your house will smell delicious .. unfortunaly, it didn’t work the way i thought it would .. but it did get rid of the smell obviously since my dad said it smelt delicious when he got home and thought i was baking =] so yay for that.

and i’m sure you want to know why i want to return my tablet .. well i specifically asked for a certain android for xmas .. i knew he probably wouldn’t get it for me due to the fact that this particular one was only on sale from like 5-9pm on thanksgiving at toys r us, so i didn’t expect him to go to toys r us on thanksgiving. but it was a decent android SUPER on sale, so yeah. well he ended up getting me the shittiest windows tablet ever for STUPID reasons. so he is returning it and getting me an equally shitty android .. but whatever because android > windows .. well in this case lol. he got me the nextbook 8.1, and i’m getting the nextbook 7 //shrug oh well. i’ll still use his PC for most things (like this), but it’s nice to be able to bring outside to smoke or when i’m soo lazy on the couch. but yeah .. luckily it only took me like 10 minutes to get everything off the tablet (pix, docs, passwords, etc.) and get it all packed up. to be honest, i was gonna keep the sd card that came with it, but i couldn’t get the sticker to come off without it leaving sticker on the package. so i decided to be nice and put the card back in the box. besides, what would happen if the employee was actually smart enough to look in the box for the SD card just to tell my dad “no, can’t return it” .. that wouldn’t be the worst thing though since i would have had it, but oh well.

after submitting my last post, i realized that highlighting my questions for y’all in pink was pretty obnoxious .. and although it’s pretty helpful, it doesn’t match at all. from here on out, i’ll use a better color. i couldn’t find a better color to match the current layout, so i’m just going to bold the questions for the time being.

so, i decided i’m going to do the ~5 YEAR CHALLENGE~ according to april of cup of delight. She actually got the idea from tami taylor of debbiehodge.com. now their versions are for actual journals, but whatever! when i get around to starting my art journal, i’ll find different prompts =]. just by looking at january, i know this is going to be fun .. some questions are pretty thought provoking, while others are pretty ordinary and boring. ah well! check out my next post for my first three days =] i think i might also do a drawing and/or photography one, but the keyword is THINK. and i don’t have to start right now! i really need to get myself up and running before i overwhelm myself. until then, just my daily “dear diary” and my 5 year challenge, deal? deal. oh yeah, speaking of drawing challenges .. i found the cutest responses to a drawing challenge by a girl who calls herself wedgie; check them out here! i was also thinking of doing like a half and half drawing/photo challenge by maybe going through deviant art and finding something. that’s a really awesome idea, don’t cha think? #1 i can’t draw for shit, and #2 that would be a challenge in itself trying to find the a picture i like best for each day. yeah, i’m gonna do it!!

some questions for you guys: #1 what do y’all think of my about me page? anything i should add/delete/etc? i’m actually kind of surprised i came up with all of that on my own; usually i absoluty SUCK at writing bios about myself.  #2 have you ever heard of the happiness project by gretchen rubin?? can you tell me more about it? did you try it? did it work for you? i’m kind of intrigued, but it seems pretty complicated. i definitely deserve to be happy, but i don’t even know where to start .. i have NOTHING going on in my life right now, but so much at the same time *sigh*. #3 how do y’all feel about me typing in all lowercase instead of correctly? how about when i use apostrophes as quotes like ‘blah blah’ instead of “blah blah”? to be honest, it’s just alot easier to type ‘ than ” .. yeah, i’m really that lazy =/ #4 when it comes to writing prompts, x day challenges, and the link .. what are your favorite websites for these topics, and why? how about actual therapeutic journaling? 

EMOJIS!! as you’ve noticed, i found an emoji plugin for wordpress, so i downloaded and added it to my visual editor =] i’m so excited, and there are soo many! these are my favorites ~~> PSSH! looks likes i can’t use plugins on the .com version. I was dumb and made this post before I installed the emojis I downloaded on wordpress.ORG .. blah blah blah. UNLESS .. there IS an admin panel on .com, and I just can’t find it? help? 

god, i’m soo overwhelmed on things i want to write and talk about with you guys .. but i just wanted a short and sweet post. when i have more time i’ll do a random post .. i still have to a do a decent “about me” post in which i tell you about what’s going on in my life and how i got here and all that “fun” stuff anddd i need to do an “about these people” post in which i tell you about the people in my life that i’ll talk about in my life.

i’ll do a few more paragraphs .. i’m 27 (11/13/87 is my birthday =]), how old are you? i’m telling you my age because i want to know: do anyone of you remember AOL zines? how about those corny little websites we used to make on like geocities, angelfire, but not expage (lol)? i don’t even really remember what they were called if they even had a real name. i had a couple, they were all lame. it was a privilege if you had a domain name. and i can’t remember ANY popular site. then we had guilds? and the quilting bee? i can’t find SHIT anymore. i remember funkychickens.com; surprisingly they’re still online! they were my main source for learning html .. i wonder if i browse through there if i’ll find any of the popular sites .. lol on their main page it says something about expage.com! so i typed expage.com in my browser and they don’t exist anymore, ha! but yeah, i can’t find any popular sites .. ah well. do you know if any are still up [and running]? 

as you may have [but probably haven’t] read on my first post, i talked about coming up with my blog’s name, but not what i actually settled with. obviously, i came up Thoughts Gone Awry since Thoughts Gone Astray was unfortunately taken .. by someone who only wrote like 2 posts years ago! i was kinda pissed! but oh well. i mean, astray definitely sounds better than awry, but they both basically mean the same thing, and that’s what matters. also, i was able to make my username for wordpress blo0dchild, so that’s nice too. do you like it? why/why not? 

one last paragraph .. xmas. what did i get for xmas? i got that tablet and a little protective case for it, a coloring book (wtf why), a variety puzzle book (again, wtf why), some milk duds (finally, wtf why .. my teeth! my poor teeth!), chocolate coin crisp things(<~~~ all from dad), socks, a couple poofs aka shower loofahs (<~~~dad and sister), those aloe sock things (sister), a walmart (dad) and itunes (dad’s gf) gift card, both for $15 (really, only $15? gtfo), and this ugly bracelet that i’ll never wear (dad’s gf). yeah, i didn’t get much, but i’m not complaining .. actually i am as you read, but whatever. i’m grateful =] of course i didn’t wake up until like 2-3pm since my sleep schedule is fucked .. my dad and his gf coming home from her house woke me up. so we all opened gifts, then we went to TGIFridays for dinner and it was yummy =] i got the 2/$15 deal and picked the spinach dip and a medium rare sirloin with mashed taters and mixed veggies =D we were SUPPOSED to drive around and look at the xmas lights after dinner, but my dad’s gf wanted to go home because i hate her so we didn’t go =( i was legit pretty mad but oh well cos playing on the internet was more fun, i guess. plus i didn’t go to sleep until like 6am because i spent all night playing on the new tablet. i slept right through my alarm to go dose (pick up my methadone) which really sucked because they were only open from 7-10am on 12/26 for some stupid reason.

what did YOU get for xmas? what did you do? if you don’t celebrate, what DO you celebrate? does that holiday include exchanging gifts? if so, what did you get? 

alrighty, i’m off to do my challenges ..