Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

UGH! I’ve been super procrastinating =/ I meant to post on Thursday, and that got delayed, so I was going to post that post (along with stuff about Friday and Saturday) on Saturday night and then post some influence/review stuff on Sunday .. but now it’s Monday night, and I haven’t done any of that. Instead, I’m doing my first assignment for Writing 101: Unlock The Mind.

I’m supposed to write about anything for 20 minutes straight, but I’m not supposed to think about what to write. Kinda sucks because it would be nice to post the entry I almost finished on Saturday night, or what I wanted to talk about yesterday, or even just do some promoting for my influence/review stuff. But I’ll be good and do what I’m actually supposed to do. At least I don’t have horrible writers block =P

One thing I am going to do though is I’m not going to immediately post this after 20 minutes is up; I have to edit it before I do that. And if any of you wonder what I mean whenever I say I have to edit stuff .. well this is usually how I do it: I write all of my entries in Notepad. Then I copy and paste it onto WordPress so I can (not necessarily in this order) spell check, add links, pictures, video, etc., format text, think of tags and the title, choose a category or two, and figure out what I want my Twitter LINK post (and now Google+ and Tumblr .. I rarely use them, but if I want to gain a major following [see below] I gotta do what I gotta do, right?) to say. Most of the time, it seems like that takes longer than writing the actual post!

Speaking of Twitter, I’m kind of starting to get a little following on their, yay! I mean, I only have ~150 followers, while I follow ~250 people, but but numbers are steadily rising; anywhere from 10-20 a day for both sides. I actual feel kinda special because of this =] and I’m not even promoting myself! So I seriously have no idea how they find me. But I ended up changing my Twitter bio today from “I like to think that I’m cute and funny although I’d like to be hott and hilarious, but I’m probably just average and corny .. YOU BE THE JUDGE”  to “ , , ?? trying to learn anything and everything about what I want to do. FIND ME EVERYWHERE; my username is almost always “. Now I feel that might help me attract more follows and for the right reasons, don’t you agree? What do you think about the new bio? What would change, if anything?

5 more minutes, so I guess this’ll be the last thing I’ll say in this entry. When I first made this blog and started blogging, I said I had no idea what I wanted to blog about, and that I really started it because I wanted to journal. I still want to journal, but it really does seem like all of the good blogs have a few topics they discuss. Since I’ve received my Influenster and PINCHme samples, and I have a Smiley360  one on the way .. maybe this blog could be be a review blog? And I guess that’s what it means to be an influencer, right? (20 MINUTES IS UP! really, it took 5 minutes to write this paragraph? uhh, k) I know there are blogs that are like that, plus more, such as where to find free stuff, giveaways, etc., so maybeee one day I’ll get into that too .. but we’ll see, cos alot of that stuff seems kinda scammy. What do you think about blogs like that? Any and all advice is welcome =]

Alright, it’s 8:25pm, and it’s time for me to edit and post so I can get on with writing some good content =P Have a good night =D

Hey everyone! Happy April! I’ve been around, but not WordPress, unfortunately. I feel like a dick for never writing, and when I do, I say I’m gonna start back up again, but never do. Ugh! If I had just followed through when I got my PC back .. but nooo, I decided I wanted to be lazy. But I still continued to do research and such on blogging and how to be successful in this and so on and so forth.

I really need to get back into the swing of things though, especially now. I say that because on Monday I received my very first VoxBox from Influenster, yay! Don’t know much about Influenster, VoxBoxes, and all that jazz? Well basically, Influenster is a website that you join and write reviews, ask questions, hook up your social media accounts, etc. Sometimes the send you VoxBoxes, which is basically stuff sent to you to review on your social media websites. The more of a following you have, and the better you do, the more products you’ll receive to review. Cool, eh? I think I explained it right =P and if you want to know more, or sign up! Just click here, please (it’s a my referral link). Or, you can check out my badge, will I’ll be posting sometime tonight. But ya, since I received this VoxBox, I feel like it’s an awesome time for me to hopefully start writing in here again, especially if I’m gonna be doing reviews for these guys! Oh, and also because I signed up for Writing 101, ha! I probably should have finished Blogging 101 first, but fuck it .. Blogging will come around again. And it’s still by The Daily Post, so it’ll be good. I just hope it’s not TOOOOO challenging. But maybe it’ll also help me learn how to write better (ha) .. as in not always the words “but”, “oh, and…”, etc.

But ya .. what’s been going on with me the past couple months? Psssh, not shit! It sucks! No luck in finding a job (although I’m not looking hard enough), and still no motivation to do anything.  Well .. I have a little more motivation than before, but still. I started taking my thyroid medication, but not everyday. Not sure if I explained this before, but I’m supposed to take it everyday “an hour before breakfast”. I’m kind of nocturnal, so I go to bed anywhere between 2-5am, and wake up between 1-4pm .. yeah, I sleep a long time. But when I wake up, I want to eat! I can’t wait. So I put an alarm on my phone which wakes me up at 9am telling me to take it .. but 3/4 of the time I just turn it off. And that 1/4 I do want to take it, 1/2 the time I don’t even have water by me, and I’m not beat for going downstairs to get some. But the other half I remember to bring water up. Oh, and speaking of not working .. I’ve been planning on going to a few temp agencies in the next week or two to update my resume (I’ve worked with all the ones I’m planning on going to). And April has always been a good month for me to find work. SOO, wish me luck. I definitely need it.Tired of being a bum on my couch .. and speaking of couch! I finally got a real bed! Apparently it came from my dad’s girlfriend’s sister’s house. It’s just a twin, wahh. But it works. It’s comfyish. I still can’t sleep on my stomach though due to my back issues which sucks because I like to, but when I do I wake up in SOO much pain and can’t move. But yeah, it also came with 2 little dressers and 2 end tables .. none match, but who cares. I need to clean up there, but again .. laziness. And my sister needs to help cos of the shit is her clothes .. I told her if it’s not put away by the time I get around to cleaning up and organizing up there, I’m stuffing it all into a closest . Which wouldn’t be too bad on her part, but she loves to whine. I just want it to look not like a mess. Especially since once I start working and paying rent, it’s legit going to be mine.

Hmm, what else is new? I made 2 vlogs lol. Check em out below. They suck though. I’m not talking about anything interesting (well, maybe. and it was interesting to me), the lighting isn’t great, etc. etc. And it was recording on the front/screen camera of an iPhone 4. I haven’t made anymore though cos I ended up dropping my phone in the toilet =X like, a month ago. Luckily it survived, but the sound doesn’t work on my phone anymore except the ringer when people call .. no texts, alerts, music, or videos. Blah. Plus my microphone was shit before, that’s why I’m kinda screaming in my videos. So I don’t know if it works at all now; I doubt it. I was hoping my phone did totally break though, cos then that’d mean I’d probably get a new phone. Which I can’t get even though my line is eligible for an upgrade because my dad doesn’t wanna renew my contract since I haven’t paid him for my line in over a year. But once I get a job and start paying rent and the bill I can get a new phone .. definitely you gonna get a Galaxy or a Note! Fuck an iPhone!

Well, I think that’s all I have to talk about tonight. Here’s my question for y’all .. What keeps you motivated to keep on blogging? Where do you come up ideas on what to blog about? Any tips, advice, etc. you’re willing to offer?

Thanks for reading .. I hope y’all stay tuned. I WILL be back, even if it’s just for my VoxBox reviews =P Night!

PS – You’ll learn more about this first VoxBox in one of my next posts.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GndoNCdiolk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmRhta9w1WI

Hey! Long time, no write! Sorry about that, guys. I finally got the computer back (hopefully for good) last Friday (I actually got it back because I told my dad I wouldn’t clean unless I had music, and I need the PC to listen), but I’ve just been kinda unmotivated. But here I am .. hopefully I have the motivation to get back up and running again! It’s almost March, and I still have to finish Blogging 101! But I guess I might as well “start over” on the 5 Year Challenge .. but when I say “start over”, I mean I’ll post what I had wrote for a few days in January, and then start off fresh on March 1. So let me get started .. but first, I want to end on a funny note .. I posted this on FB last night; the person I’m talking about is my dad (duh, of course!):

smh i just got bitched at because somehow bleach got on a washcloth .. possibly because my face soap is 10% benzyl peroxide which may lighten fabric, skin, hair, etc. and now because someone i live with refuses to use said washcloth because it looks “scummy” because it’s “discolored” aka has a bleach stain … lmfao how uptight can one be. and this is coming from the person who HAS to use either color safe bleach or regular bleach (depending on color of clothes) in their wash!!! so basically this person is saying that since the wash cloth is extra clean it is scummy. WRAP YOUR BRAIN AROUND THAT ONE GUYS!!

Stupid, right? Ugh! Oh, and before I go .. I FINALLY got around to saving the +1,500 pix/vid on my phone to the PC so I can delete them .. seriously ~75% of my phone’s space was that BS it was SO slow I couldn’t download apps, the updates, take pix/vid, etc. .. now that my phone is up to date, I can take pix/vid, and I finally have all the apps I need AND want again, yay! So, here’s an updated picture of me! I took this on Monday when I came home from an interview (I didn’t get the job .. yet). Yep, I finally got my hair cut! And I dyed my “bangs” Paul Mitchell Purple and Color Jamz Bubblehead Pink a few weeks ago. Caption: 2/15 Me looking cute with my matching hair/shirt combo thing tongue emoticon and OMGISH yes I’m wearing makeup AHHH.

QUESTION: DO YOU GUYS THINK I PUT WAYYYY TOO MANY TAGS? DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR THINKING UP TAGS? THANKS!

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What’s up y’all? Sorry I haven’t posted in quite some time; like I said in my last post, my dad took away the PC (and the cable box) for smoking in the house, so I haven’t been able to write. He put the PC back a few days ago, but I really haven’t had the motivation t?o write and continue on with Blogging 101, which I definitely want to start back up on .. I really hope they don’t close it all down after tomorrow; that would soo suck!

Life’s been crappy. I haven’t been doing much. I’m not even really going to IOP. I just sleep all day and go dose. I take my thyroid medication (levothyroxine) here and there, but I just can’t  seem to take it everyday, especially cos I’m supposed to take it an hour before eating in the morning and yeah that’s kinda hard. I’m waiting on my tax money (I filed on Thursday) so I can buy some clothes and fun stuff. Speaking of fun stuff, I never really wear makeup .. never have. But I really want to start. I ended up getting a whole bunch of stuff in the past couple weeks, so I basically have EVERYTHING I need except most brushes, lip liner, eye primer .. it’s all drug store brand, but whatever. But I just absolutely SUCK at doing my makeup .. I’ve got the whole foundation thing down I think, but I still see my pores and scars and zits even after putting on primer and concealer and powder and stuff //shrug. And eye shadow just makes me wanna cry lol I’ve watched SO many tutorials I don’t know what  I’m doing wrong .. is it the lack of proper brushes or not having the right primer (i’ve been putting face primer on my eye lids) or what? So yeah, if any of y’all know of any awesome beauty vloggers or bloggers, preferably people who do beginner, tutorial, drug store, etc. stuff (I dig Emily Eddington [emilynoel83] [blog], Wayne Goss [gossmakeupartist] [blog], Marlena [Makeup Geek] [blog], and Sinead [TheMakeupChair] [blog]) PLEASE HELP A GIRL OUT! Oh, and speaking of getting my hair cut .. I got some purple hair bleach (it bleaches AND dyes at the same time I love it! I’ve been using it for yearssss. I’m surprised by the reviews but oh well! I don’t even listen to the time directions. I rinse when my hair looks good. Also, it doesn’t come out THAT bright, so if you want it super bright you gotta buy the dye too. It used to come with dye as well but not anymore =/) by N’Rage called the N’ Rage Streaks N Color Highlighting Kit and some pink hair dye called Bubble Head Pink by Beyond the Zone Color Jamz, so I was thinking that once the purple fades (or it’s not as bright as I want it to be) I’ll put the pink in .. but I was snooping around earlier today actually and found in my sister’s dye kit that she actually has some purple AND pink dye AND bleach (powder and developer) so I might use up all of the purple and then go with the pinks; well see. so once I get my hair cut I’m gonna have my sister (not sure if I mentioned this before, but she does hair) section my hair so I can do my “bangs” or something cute .. I wish my hair was thin (it’s super thick) that way it’d look cute not short but like a little longer than shoulder length .. like just enough to put in a high pony tail. That way I could color it with unnatural colors better .. kinda like vintageortacky on YouTube .. I love her hair cos it’s like black on the bottom and pink/purple on top, and 3/4 of it is black and just 1/4 is pink/purple. But yeah, I think since my hair is really thick, I couldn’t pull of a cut that short .. I mean I could cos when I first met Kyle my hair was that short, but I also had a job then so I always maintained the cut //shrug oh well.

But yeah, I just wanted to say hi for now. I don’t have any cigarettes to keep me going (I will tomorrow though), so I’m not going to write much tonight, let alone catch up on the course. I may do a couple days worth of the 5 Year Challenge since it’s pretty easy, and I have some answers written out already.

AHHHH TOO MANY TAGS!! BUT I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN WITH THIS MAKEUP STUFF!!

If you noticed, I highlighted my questions to you. Before I did, I looked at my previous posts to see if I did, and I either forgot, or didn’t have any questions .. ahh! I said before that I really want to interact with y’all, so to make it easier I’m going to bold the questions .. so yeah. Help a sister out! 😀

After talking about doing my hair, I think I might just do it tonight 😀 well, the bleaching anyways .. need to shower first, though!

hey guys! soo much to write, soo little space. not really, since i also have alot of space .. but ya know, my “too long” posts thing. i have lots to talk about this post including: how my day went and what i did, the 30 day challenge i chose, this blog, EMOJIS, and more!

first up: my day. like i said in my last post, i woke up at 2:30pm today (well, technically yesterday since it’s 12:08am 1/3 now). i started out by opening all of the windows and “baking” vanilla (see below) because i knew my dad would be home from work in a few hours, and i smoked [cigarettes] SOO much in the house even though i’m not supposed to =X then i had some coffee, chilled out, then ate a couple bagels with cream cheese (yo, plain thomas bagel things are the fricken bomb! especially when you toast them and spread on a nice layer of whipped cream cheese .. heaven!!). fun fact: never liked cream cheese until a few years ago when a dumbass at dunkin donuts put cream cheese on my bagel instead of butter .. i said fuck it and ate it and  i was literally in heaven. bagels with cream cheese are now officially my favorite food; take note =] i did some blog stuff like researching and reading .. then a little after 5 when my dad was on his way home from work he texted me telling me to pack up the tablet he got me for xmas so he can go return it. oh, and i also asked him for a few bucks to catch the bus to get my methadone tomorrow/today since my lazy, unmotivated ass didn’t call logisticare (medical transportation company for people on medicaid) for my bus pass until 12/28 when i was supposed to call them like AT LEAST 3 weeks in advance .. oops. but yeah, i’ve basically just been sitting here at the PC for the past like +7-8 hours playing on youtube (check out my channel!) and subscribing to like, everything. then i finally got around to writing, editing, and posting the previous post. i also browsed for some themes, and damn! making a nice “layout” is easier said that done! actually, scratch that .. all of it is hard as shit! can’t i just have something nice and plain for now that’s easily customizable? hmm, what else about my day? ha! yo, i literally took the world’s longest crap today, seriously. i wish i took a picture .. i actually contemplated it, too. it was AT LEAST a foot long. okay, that’s enough on that .. i signed up for this blogging 101 online class thing by the daily post. i’m really excited for it to be honest; i’m really hoping it’ll help me in becoming the journal blogger person girl yeah i want to become =] until then, [i’m pretty sure i’ve asked this before] do y’all have any tips/advice/sites you can link me to/etc. for me, based on what you have read so far?? 

oh, i almost forgot .. baking vanilla you may ask? Well i’m sure you’ve read somewhere on the internet that if you put a couple of capfuls of vanilla into a coffee cup and put it into the oven for an hour on 300° your house will smell delicious .. unfortunaly, it didn’t work the way i thought it would .. but it did get rid of the smell obviously since my dad said it smelt delicious when he got home and thought i was baking =] so yay for that.

and i’m sure you want to know why i want to return my tablet .. well i specifically asked for a certain android for xmas .. i knew he probably wouldn’t get it for me due to the fact that this particular one was only on sale from like 5-9pm on thanksgiving at toys r us, so i didn’t expect him to go to toys r us on thanksgiving. but it was a decent android SUPER on sale, so yeah. well he ended up getting me the shittiest windows tablet ever for STUPID reasons. so he is returning it and getting me an equally shitty android .. but whatever because android > windows .. well in this case lol. he got me the nextbook 8.1, and i’m getting the nextbook 7 //shrug oh well. i’ll still use his PC for most things (like this), but it’s nice to be able to bring outside to smoke or when i’m soo lazy on the couch. but yeah .. luckily it only took me like 10 minutes to get everything off the tablet (pix, docs, passwords, etc.) and get it all packed up. to be honest, i was gonna keep the sd card that came with it, but i couldn’t get the sticker to come off without it leaving sticker on the package. so i decided to be nice and put the card back in the box. besides, what would happen if the employee was actually smart enough to look in the box for the SD card just to tell my dad “no, can’t return it” .. that wouldn’t be the worst thing though since i would have had it, but oh well.

after submitting my last post, i realized that highlighting my questions for y’all in pink was pretty obnoxious .. and although it’s pretty helpful, it doesn’t match at all. from here on out, i’ll use a better color. i couldn’t find a better color to match the current layout, so i’m just going to bold the questions for the time being.

so, i decided i’m going to do the ~5 YEAR CHALLENGE~ according to april of cup of delight. She actually got the idea from tami taylor of debbiehodge.com. now their versions are for actual journals, but whatever! when i get around to starting my art journal, i’ll find different prompts =]. just by looking at january, i know this is going to be fun .. some questions are pretty thought provoking, while others are pretty ordinary and boring. ah well! check out my next post for my first three days =] i think i might also do a drawing and/or photography one, but the keyword is THINK. and i don’t have to start right now! i really need to get myself up and running before i overwhelm myself. until then, just my daily “dear diary” and my 5 year challenge, deal? deal. oh yeah, speaking of drawing challenges .. i found the cutest responses to a drawing challenge by a girl who calls herself wedgie; check them out here! i was also thinking of doing like a half and half drawing/photo challenge by maybe going through deviant art and finding something. that’s a really awesome idea, don’t cha think? #1 i can’t draw for shit, and #2 that would be a challenge in itself trying to find the a picture i like best for each day. yeah, i’m gonna do it!!

some questions for you guys: #1 what do y’all think of my about me page? anything i should add/delete/etc? i’m actually kind of surprised i came up with all of that on my own; usually i absoluty SUCK at writing bios about myself.  #2 have you ever heard of the happiness project by gretchen rubin?? can you tell me more about it? did you try it? did it work for you? i’m kind of intrigued, but it seems pretty complicated. i definitely deserve to be happy, but i don’t even know where to start .. i have NOTHING going on in my life right now, but so much at the same time *sigh*. #3 how do y’all feel about me typing in all lowercase instead of correctly? how about when i use apostrophes as quotes like ‘blah blah’ instead of “blah blah”? to be honest, it’s just alot easier to type ‘ than ” .. yeah, i’m really that lazy =/ #4 when it comes to writing prompts, x day challenges, and the link .. what are your favorite websites for these topics, and why? how about actual therapeutic journaling? 

EMOJIS!! as you’ve noticed, i found an emoji plugin for wordpress, so i downloaded and added it to my visual editor =] i’m so excited, and there are soo many! these are my favorites ~~> PSSH! looks likes i can’t use plugins on the .com version. I was dumb and made this post before I installed the emojis I downloaded on wordpress.ORG .. blah blah blah. UNLESS .. there IS an admin panel on .com, and I just can’t find it? help? 

god, i’m soo overwhelmed on things i want to write and talk about with you guys .. but i just wanted a short and sweet post. when i have more time i’ll do a random post .. i still have to a do a decent “about me” post in which i tell you about what’s going on in my life and how i got here and all that “fun” stuff anddd i need to do an “about these people” post in which i tell you about the people in my life that i’ll talk about in my life.

i’ll do a few more paragraphs .. i’m 27 (11/13/87 is my birthday =]), how old are you? i’m telling you my age because i want to know: do anyone of you remember AOL zines? how about those corny little websites we used to make on like geocities, angelfire, but not expage (lol)? i don’t even really remember what they were called if they even had a real name. i had a couple, they were all lame. it was a privilege if you had a domain name. and i can’t remember ANY popular site. then we had guilds? and the quilting bee? i can’t find SHIT anymore. i remember funkychickens.com; surprisingly they’re still online! they were my main source for learning html .. i wonder if i browse through there if i’ll find any of the popular sites .. lol on their main page it says something about expage.com! so i typed expage.com in my browser and they don’t exist anymore, ha! but yeah, i can’t find any popular sites .. ah well. do you know if any are still up [and running]? 

as you may have [but probably haven’t] read on my first post, i talked about coming up with my blog’s name, but not what i actually settled with. obviously, i came up Thoughts Gone Awry since Thoughts Gone Astray was unfortunately taken .. by someone who only wrote like 2 posts years ago! i was kinda pissed! but oh well. i mean, astray definitely sounds better than awry, but they both basically mean the same thing, and that’s what matters. also, i was able to make my username for wordpress blo0dchild, so that’s nice too. do you like it? why/why not? 

one last paragraph .. xmas. what did i get for xmas? i got that tablet and a little protective case for it, a coloring book (wtf why), a variety puzzle book (again, wtf why), some milk duds (finally, wtf why .. my teeth! my poor teeth!), chocolate coin crisp things(<~~~ all from dad), socks, a couple poofs aka shower loofahs (<~~~dad and sister), those aloe sock things (sister), a walmart (dad) and itunes (dad’s gf) gift card, both for $15 (really, only $15? gtfo), and this ugly bracelet that i’ll never wear (dad’s gf). yeah, i didn’t get much, but i’m not complaining .. actually i am as you read, but whatever. i’m grateful =] of course i didn’t wake up until like 2-3pm since my sleep schedule is fucked .. my dad and his gf coming home from her house woke me up. so we all opened gifts, then we went to TGIFridays for dinner and it was yummy =] i got the 2/$15 deal and picked the spinach dip and a medium rare sirloin with mashed taters and mixed veggies =D we were SUPPOSED to drive around and look at the xmas lights after dinner, but my dad’s gf wanted to go home because i hate her so we didn’t go =( i was legit pretty mad but oh well cos playing on the internet was more fun, i guess. plus i didn’t go to sleep until like 6am because i spent all night playing on the new tablet. i slept right through my alarm to go dose (pick up my methadone) which really sucked because they were only open from 7-10am on 12/26 for some stupid reason.

what did YOU get for xmas? what did you do? if you don’t celebrate, what DO you celebrate? does that holiday include exchanging gifts? if so, what did you get? 

alrighty, i’m off to do my challenges ..

YO, someone please tell me how i can merge 2 google plus accounts together? i don’t even know if y’all know what i mean by that, but i have a youtube account and a gmail account and that means 2 g+ pages and although it’s not that big of a deal now, it may be once this and my eventual vlog [hopefully] take off. whatever, i don’t really care anymore.

also, for some reason it wouldn’t let me make a link to grav3yardgirl’s youtube account on my post, so i just had to put her name. wtf wordpress! maybe instead of using the text tab for this post, i’ll use the other tab (i don’t know the exact name for it right now) [[LOOK, I DID IT!! I’M UNDER THE “VISUAL” TAB. THIS IS WHAT I’LL USE FROM NOW ON!]]

but hi, hello, how is the new year going for you?! 2015, whoa. this june, i’ll have known my son’s father for *10* years (but not really .. i’ll explain more about that in a later post). this october, i’ll have been out of high school for 10 years. 5 years ago this september was my first time EVER in new year city, which really kind of sucks because i literally live like an hour away from manhattan, and never been. oddly enough, it was 9/11/10 when i was there, and we didn’t even realize it was 9/11 that day until we noticed that the empire state building was glowing red, white, and blue and it his us. yah, i went up there with a friend vinny (we don’t talk anymore unfortunately), and we went to see his friend’s band play at some pretty large venue .. unfortunately i don’t remember the name of the band OR venue. but i did have fun and i learned that cabs up there are surprisingly cheap! well, compared to cabs in the trenton area, which cost almost $5 just for you to step in it! the only good thing about trenton cabs is that they’re max $10 in city limits, but that’s it .. city limits. i literally live less than a mile from city limits, and it’s like an extra $10 .. luckily i have a bus pass (yay for living on government handouts) so i don’t have to worry about that stuff. speaking of government handouts, i’ve applied for SSDI a few times in the past few years, but i’ve never really followed through. do any of you receive SSDI or SSI? can you give me any advice, tips, stories, etc. BESIDES getting a lawyer? i know i’ll probably have to get one at some point, but still. to be honest, i would rather work, but i have alot of mental health and substance issues i need to work out before i can start working full time, and yeah. that’s another post that’s not for today.

i want to apologize for not writing yesterday. i literally slept for like 28 hours straight .. well not exactly. i went to bed around 10:30am on 1/1, and slept on and off until about 2:30pm today when i was like fml i really need to get up and start writing for my plethora of fans lol .. i was actually pleasantly surprised when i looked at my phone i had a notification stating that 5 people liked my previous post! like super happy! shit, even one would have made my day! so that must mean i’m doing something right, RIGHT?! i kind of wish that i received a comment or two, but i’m not worried about that, because i know at least one person took a moment out of their day to read my thoughts. I LOVE YOU GUYS! IF I REMEMBER, I WILL LINK YOU GUYS TO THIS POST AND GIVE CREDIT WERE CREDIT IS DUE. [[I REMEMBERED!!! THANK YOU orwell1627, suzie81speaks, etwong212, aliceearly, and emmasiv!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!]]

i don’t know if i mentioned this in my previous post (brb lemme look =]) (i didn’t; k good), but i really thought i was going to spend NYE alone which was kind of depressing because it’s my favorite holiday! but i mentally prepared myself to be alone. well around 8pm, i randomly messaged my friend kev (i’m going to write a post specifically for all of the people i talk about on here and regularly update it, so stay tuned) on FB because even though i was prepared to spend the night alone, i figured he might not be mad at me anymore (we had a fight/thing on xmas eve because i invited him, sabrina (his gf), and earl (a guy who lives with them) and then uninvited them because my dad said no) and we could hang out. so i went to his house and chilled and it was fun. luckily their friend charlie was there and was able to take me home .. so he did around 2? when i came home i started writing this entry, even though you haven’t read ANYTHING of what i wrote that night because it’s all below .. or in a different post entirely! basically what i wrote were #1 ideas to talk about for this post/to research #2 a few paragraphs for this entry #3 links to those 30 day challenge things. speaking of the 30 day challenges .. man, i didn’t even post yesterday! so now i have to wait til next month .. not! i’ll probably start tonight. but like i said, there’s LINKS. i found SO many things on pintrest (see below) that i went pintrest crazy .. literally i was on there for like 3 hours just pinning stuff. and now i have to pick just ONE challenge? NOOOOOOO!! but i think i will just start with one, because obviously i sleep for days and don’t want to promise something i can’t keep.

speaking of sleeping for days and mental illness, i’ve finally admitted to myself that i don’t have “situational” depression and that i have “legit” depression. seriously, i don’t want to get off the couch for anything, and if i had a real bed i’d probably sleep alot longer than i do now. real bed, you ask? well when i moved back into my dad’s house (another post for another day .. it’ll be titled “my current situation” or something along those lines) he told me i can sleep on the world’s most uncomfortable futon .. like it’s too skinny to sleep when it’s in couch mode, and when it’s in mattress mode it’s got two really uncomfortable bars that go in a little t/cross shape that are just so annoying and i literally have like 2 feet between the wall and the bar to sleep in. and it’s not like a regular futon that comes with the couch and you put a big ol futon mattress on top .. it looks like this:

Delancey_Modern_Convertible_Futon_Couch_Sleeper_Black

but yeah, i slept on it for like a week; fuck that. the only time i do sleep in it is when kev stays over because yeah lol. plus it’s much less uncomfortable then. so i sleep on my couch which is pretty fucking awesome because it reclines to almost 180°. ha! i can’t believe i still remember ALT+0176 .. it was the one i used the most. but yeah, all i really do is sleep. i have no motivation to do ANYTHING. it’s even a struggle to pick up my methadone (another day post) everyday. speaking of methadone, the other night i was asking kev, earl, and charlie for their input and suggestions for the name of this blog. earl kept telling me to use junkie related words, and i had to keep explaining to him that i want this blog to be pg13ish .. like i want everyone to be able to read this .. well not everyone? i don’t know, i want to have fans of all different ages. plus, if my blog was called “heroin chic” (pronounced sheek, not chick!! i hate when people pronounce chic wrong!!) or “#junkielife”, it probably wouldn’t be appropriate for people under 18 JUST BECAUSE of the name. besides, with the name like a that, (hey, do you guys think i use commas way too much? let me know! i need to learn how to use commas more appropriately, don’t i?), you would assume that all i’d be talking about is getting high and stuff, right? and that’s not what i want my blog to be about. besides, i barely get high anymore (methadone, god’s greatest gift to the junkies =]), so it’d be pointless anyway. so yeah, “no motivation to do anything” .. like i go to PHP (stands for “partial hospitalization” .. it’s basically like IOP (intensive out patient), except it’s longer each day and you’re there more often each week) at my methadone clinic, but it sucks because #1 most of the people there are for drug court/there involuntary, so it’s usually them just bitching about how their supposed to be there instead of talking about the topic of the group, which #2 there really isn’t even one anyway, which really sucks because they do have a few process groups each week, but most of the time each groups turns out to be a process group! ugh, so annoying. i’m on medicaid, so it’s really hard to find someone i can have MENTAL HEALTH ONLY 1 on 1 counseling with .. i’m on a waiting list in SO many places. it’s also really hard to find a PHP/IOP place .. once again, waiting lists. ugh! so i want to focus on mental health and substance abuse issues before i go back to work. also, back in october i filed a financial appeal with my local community college .. long story short (maybe a longer story another day) back in 2008 i lost my financial aid because i kept fucking up in school, and they wouldn’t reinstate until #1 i pay out of pocket for one semester or #2 i submit an appeal. unfortunately they denied the appeal and it made me even more unmotivated because i REALLY NEED to go back .. i have legit plans! i want to go community college and get my associates in communications, then transfer to rutgers and get my bachelors in communication with a specialization in health and wellness and relationships and families (whoa, alot of “ands” lol). then possibly get my masters in public health, social work, and/or counseling! alot of goals .. ruined because i’m cheap lol. i COULD go to a different community college or try TESC (thomas edison state college; an online school for adults .. much more legit [and cheaper!] than u of phoenix, etc.), get my associates, then go to rutgers .. but we’ll see. blah, and if i go back to work full time, i’ll lose my methadone grant and my medicaid. plus i won’t be able to go to PHP anymore. i COULD work part time, but #1 it’s SO hard to find a part time job in an office for a temp agency (where i’d like to work). i wouldn’t mind working in retail for like 15-20 hours a week since most stores pay SHIT but #2 99.999999% of stores are hiring right now since the season is over. #3 i am too clumsy and i can’t multitask for shit, so working in a restaurant (well, at least as a server) is out of the question, and i almost refuse to work in fast food .. NOT because “i’m better than that”, but because i have adult acne which is FINALLY under control (yay for 10% benzoyl peroxide products!), and working around grease would be a big no no!. wow, this paragraph is terribly long, and this post is already “too long” and i’m not even done yet!! ahh!!

well, i’m almost done. unfortunately i’m not gonna post most of what i wanted to that i wrote in my ideas section at the top of this notepad file .. notepad is my favorite; i don’t care. i’m sure once i really get this blog up and running i’ll start writing my actual posts in word, but until then notepad is fine. oh, and i say word because i’m just going to copy and paste .. but as you can see this post has no capitalization in it what so ever. and writing in word will make it easier to write properly. i have no worries about spell check because my browser comes with spell check so i just spell check my posts before i post them! yeah, i have no idea why i write in lower case only .. it’s just my style, i guess. DEAL WITH IT! lol .. well here ya go: the following paragraphs are what i wrote on NYE after i came home from kev’s, but never posted until now. stuff that [[LOOKS LIKE THIS]] are little notes i made NOW, today after re-reading these paragraphs .. does that make sense?

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well, i think that i’m gonna try to do about 2-3 posts a day .. how does that sound? it depends? yeah, you’re right, i should explain more before you tell me how awesome or lame that sounds. okay, so .. first i want a “normal” journal post, like how my day went and stuff. thoughts and rants/raves. basically, the whole reason why i started my journal blog thing (i should start calling it my jlog, or bournal. biary? lol nah, too close to “binary”. but both sound cute =} lol .. nah, can’t be bournal either, cos that sounds too much like “boring” and i don’t want to be boring! even though i probably am because i just keep going off track with my “too long” posts! ah whatever, journal blog thing it is!) was for “therapeutic” reasons .. hence the name *Th0uGhTs g0nE aWrY* <~~ ha! remember back in the day (like late 90’s – early 00’s) when it was either really cute or really annoying to write like that? [[<~~ WELL OBVIOUSLY I ALREADY DID ALL OF THIS FOR TODAY BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS POST IS]] ANYWAYS! after i post my awry thoughts, i’ll post at least one prompt (you know, like a 30 day challenge thing of that nature). how many is too much? if i could, i’d post like 38349873290 a day lol .. not really. could you recommend any good prompt/30 day challenge/etc. sites i can check out? until then, here’s a link to my pintrest… add me!

thank you pintrest for helping me find the perfect prompts! i actually just made a pintrest a few days ago after many months of “uh, fuck that”, even though i didn’t really know exactly what the site was all about and stuff. now that i know, i kinda know why i didn’t really want to make one .. because it’s basically like a website for your favorite places (or bookmarks as they’re called now)! except you’re sharing them with the world! cool, i guess? to be honest, i only made an account because it was starting to get really annoying every single time i’d go to pintrest.com, because when i did i’d get one of those big ol in screen pop ups telling me to sign up for pintrest.com. WELL, YA GUYS GOT ME .. AND I’M ACTUALLY KINDA HAPPY ABOUT IT! THANKS AGAIN! so, it’s 5:11am, and i’m off to find some good prompts and challenges and stuff that i can use for this month. i’ll write more later this evening after i wake up .. yeah, fuck my sleep schedule. hard. with a pineapple up the virgin butthole of a heterosexual 18 year old boy. okay ewlk, that’s [[REALLY!! OMG]] fucked up .. i want readers of all ages, and although i will curse on here, language like that will be rare, i promise! please, don’t hate me and stop reading forever! i’ll make it up to you, i promise that too =D

YA KNOW WHAT?! after going through pintrest and seeing MADD pins on blogging .. why am i stressing about content for my blog? i mean yeah, i’m doing this #1 for therapeutic reasons #2 for your pleasure (like i said a million times before) .. but as you can see, #1 is first. yes, you are important! but to be honest (and selfish) i come before anyone else. agree? why [not]? i must have literally pinned over 100 things!! [[AS OF TODAY, 1/2/15, I HAVE 8 BOARDS IN WHICH I’VE PINNED 155 THINGS IN TOTAL, I’VE LIKED 14 THINGS, I DON’T HAVE ANY FOLLOWERS (YET! FOLLOW ME! /blo0dchild!), AND I’M FOLLOWING 189 INTERESTS, PINNERS (INCLUDING PEOPLE THAT AUTOMATICALLY CAME FROM MY FB), AND BOARDS]]

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oh yeah, since i want to make this an interactive blog, i am going to highlight the questions i want you guys to answer in a different color! that way, it’ll be easier for you to go back and find them if you want to be the best person ever and help us out on making my idea come to life =]

ahh, speaking of pintrest .. can you tell me how i can edit my following interests? i’m sure there’s a way, i just can’t find it right now.

also speaking of pintrest .. yo, i’ve found SO many ideas! like, i’m not creative AT all and there are soo many things here i want to do, like start an art journal? and what’s the difference between an art journal, a smash book .. all of those cool things? i want to try everyone! alas, i am broke .. and i all i have are markers and some crayons =/ but that’s better than nothing, right? blah. i’m not artsy at all anyway .. but i’m thinking maybe by starting one, it’ll help me get more artsy. OH, i’m about to get a “wreck this journal” which seems REALLY FUCKING AWESOME, so let’s consider that my first art journal. grav3yardgirl actually introduced me to wreck this journal. and it seemed SO cool that i only watched the first few minutes of her first “wreck this wednesdays” post because i really want to do one, and she mentioned that she did some “research” and stuff and it made her compare to other peoples stuff and i’m glad i didn’t do that because then i’ll want to do what other people did and then it wouldn’t be as unique as it should be! so i stopped watching the video. that’s actually one of the things i’d like to vlog about, and of course name it “wreck this wednesdays” because why not, i’m not copying her too bad, right? besides, it just goes together.

oh, i kind of lied up there when i said “WELL, OBVIOUSLY I ALREADY DID ALL OF THIS FOR TODAY…” because obviously i didn’t! i talked about yesterday and NYE. next post will be on today and stuff. this post is WAYYYY “too long”, don’t you agree? seriously, tell me .. is this post too too “too long”? if you actually read this far (bless your kind, kind soul <3) .. tell me, what is “too long” for you? can you tell me what i can do to make my posts shorter, more fun, more entertaining, etc? I NEED YOUR HELP GUYS! i know most of y’all have alot more experience than me, and it would be greatly appreciated if you can help me become as successful as you are .. that’s all i really want in life [right now].

okay, i think that’s all i have to say for right now. i’m gonna come up with a title, paste this into wordpress, do a little editing, post it, then start on my post that has to do with this! until next time y’all…

PS – do i use wayy too many tags? i don’t know if i’m doing it more for you, me, or both equally. hmm..

writing a blog .. what’s the difference between a personal blog and a journal??

obviously alot .. i’ve been wanting to journal for a long time now, and i do on and off. it started the first time i went to detox about two years ago exactly .. exactly because i remember watching the ball drop with a few fellow junkies in the common room of a popular nj psychiatric hospital. two minutes after, the techs made us go to sleep =( <~~ see, this is why i wanted to name this blog “ruminating thoughts”. actually, i wanted to name it something like “ruminating thoughts .. thoughts gone astray” but the double thoughts didn’t go well in my opinion so it’s just “thoughts gone astray” for now. ahh, and see most of this paragraph isn’t even about my answer to the question above! let’s see if i can answer it now ..

okay, i guess a blog is basically peoples opinions and facts and stuff about stuff .. but that’s kind of what a journal is too?! ugh, whatever. i’m just gonna say this is my journal blog thing .. i’m not journaling, i’m blogging (or vice versa) i journal in my blog .. yes/no? either way, i’m doing this more for myself than for others, and i’m doing it for fun, not for money (although it would be awesome to eventually become internet famous and make money!).

i feel like i’m not doing paragraphs right, but oh well cos #1 this is my blog and #2 my first post! unfortunately, i didn’t do very well in school, so i’m not good at the whole grammar thing (i can spell though =] and know the difference between you and to and etc.). anyways, why did i start this you may want to know? well, a few weeks ago i was screwing around on youtube and came across grav3yardgirl, who was doing a video called “DOES THIS THING REALLY WORK?!” i don’t remember what the product she tried was called (she’s done a whole bunch), but i’ve been watching her since then. she has madd different topics, such as hauls, follow me around this store, favorites of the month, paranormal (earlier videos, hence her name .. she doesn’t do them anymore =( ), regular vlogs, and much more. check her out! i kinda want to model my blog (and eventual vlog .. more about that later) after her channel .. like she’s really interactive, and that’s what i want to do with you guys .. maybe not on here as much as on my eventual vlog, but i promise that once i start getting fans that i want to talk about stuff you guys want me to talk about .. like i’ll blog/vlog about my day/week/life, and then you guys will comment and be like, tell us more about this and that! ask questions! i want to eventually be able to do tags and q&a’s and stuff like that .. maybe it’s because i don’t think i’m that creative enough to come up with any topics? so right now my plans are [hopefully] everyday to #1 one post about day (for therapeutic reasons; to vent and rant and rave) #2 one post (at least) from a monthly writing challenge. and then when i start vlogging i’ll probably talk about the same thing for a while, i don’t know, because sometimes it’s alot easier to talk than type, or listen than read, right?

while doing some “how to start a blog” research, one of the most reoccurring tips told me not to make make posts too long .. but didn’t specify what “too long” meant, which kind of sucks for me considering the facts that #1 the name of this blog (and what i wanted to name it and #2 i predict most of my posts will be “too long” .. but whatever because like i said, i want to interact with you guys, and i figure that as long as i gain and keep readers who like me and interact, that y’all (i feel like i’m the only person born and raised nj that says “y’all” instead of “you guys”) won’t mind my “too long” posts.

so, while i write my next and [probably] (<~~ those are called brackets, right? i need to figure out when it’s appropriate to use them instead of parenthesis .. and you know how like when you’re reading something, like an interview for example, and it’s like [word]? like does that mean the editor or whoever added a word that the interviewee didn’t day, or what? also, what does [sic] mean? yah, i know i can google all this .. but these are just my thoughts, guys!! although i more than appreciate ALL of your feedback =D) final entry of 2014 .. tell me a little more about yourself! how were your holidays; what did you do/get or where’d you go?! what kind of content do you want to see from me? what do you want to know about me? and PLEASE, promote yourself to your friends! i need all the support and love i can get =] also, please! any and all feedback about journaling/blogging/vlogging/this stuff! is GREATLY appreciated and wanted (needed) so if you like what you read already, or think i have potential .. HELP A SISTER OUT! you will be greatly rewarded by being credited and having a permanent link to any and/or all of your social media. THANK YOU!

you know what i just realized? i haven’t even made a wordpress account yet! what if thoughts gone astray is taken?! then what?! i guess i could always use blo0dchild since i use that for everything else, and it would make me easier to find .. but we’ll see!! and if thoughtsgoneastray IS available, maybe i’ll also make blo0dchild and direct it here. okay, see ya.

wait, i lied [again]! emojis for wordpress? like i just said, i haven’t even made an account yet so i really don’t know, but hopefully they have em! i love emojis, especially apple’s .. that’s one of only like 3 reasons why i like their products (well, my phone) but i’ll talk about that in a different post. anyways, if they don’t have them, i wonder if i can find a site with a bazillion of them that i can put into my posts so i don’t have to use generic old =] and stuff. alright, i’m serious this time .. i’m off to make an account, semi (barely) edit this (i’ll explain later), post, then promote! have a fun night!!!