Posts Tagged ‘30 day challenge’

YO, SORTMYLIST.COM IS ONE OF THE BEST WEBSITES, EVER. I COPIED AND PASTED ALL OF THE TAGS I’VE USED SO FAR INTO IT AND MADE A .TXT OF ALL OF THEM SO THEY ARE NICE AND ORGANIZED, AND EVERYTIME I POST SOMETHING I KNOW WHAT I’VE ALREADY USED AND HOW EXACTLY IT’S TYPED, SO I DON’T HAVE LIKE 3 DIFFERENT TAGS FOR LIKE 1 THING. Ahh, my bad for that being all in caps .. when I actually noticed, it was “too late” to go back and retype. And when I meant too late, I mean I was too lazy =P

What’s up, y’all?! Another post so soon?! YES. Here is the *FIRST* post for my ~5 YEAR CHALLENGE~; ARE YOU EXCITED?? I am. Damn, a lot of caps lock tonight!

Okay, before I start .. I’d like to ONCE AGAIN let all of you wonderful people know a little more about this particular 5 year journal challenge, and give credit where credit is due. okay, so. the 5 year challenge I’m going to use is according to April from Cup of Delight, although she actually got the idea from Tami Taylor on get it SCRAPPED. I don’t think their are any rules so that’s good, but April and Tami and probably most of the other people who did this challenge did it in a scrapbook, etc. well, I’m not .. at least for the first year. [UGH I JUST GAVE MYSELF A CHARLIE HORSE IN BOTH OF MY LEGS AT THE SAME TIME UGH FML FML!!!] Okay hi I’m back =] yeah, so when I said “at least for the first year” .. as you may have read in my previous post, I’m interested in making an art journal or something of that nature at some point in my life, even though I have NO artistic abilities [that I know of]. oh, and it’s already the 3rd of January, I’m going to do 1, 2, and 3 in this post. alright, alright .. on to the challenge!

5 Year Challenge - January Questions

5 Year Challenge – January Questions

  1. What is my #1 goal of this year?

My #1 goal of 2014 is to see my son, Jay, in real life .. not just randomly, and not just once; I want to get a legit visitation schedule in place that #1 doesn’t lapse, #2 his dad, Kyle, and Kyle’s mom, Beth, abide by, #3 leads to more visitation, which ultimately leads to joint custody. I haven’t seen Jay in over 4 years .. last time being 11/10, when he was 3.5 years old (he’s now 7.66 [lol] years old). Long story short .. Kyle got a restraining order on me in 7/08 (they are permanent [forever] in NJ), and I had supervised visitation from 11/08 – 11/10. Then I stopped seeing him due to a lapse (not sure exactly how to explain this, but it’s basically when a visitation order ends, but a new order hasn’t been placed yet), and next time we went to court Kyle’s lawyer said I was “too crazy” to see Jay and pointed out several things in a psych eval I had back in 4/10 (but failed to point out that the eval also stated that it would be in both Jay and I’s best interest to continue visitation). I never had a lawyer so I was never really allowed to defend myself, so the judge said I had to “complete psychotherapy with a licensed psychologist” before I could see him again. Because my health insurance was (and still kind of is) shit, that wasn’t possible. Then I started using hard drugs and lost everything (a post for another day) (including my motivation). Luckily I am slowly be surely bringing my life together, and I am “kind of” in therapy .. when I say kind of, I mean that I’m basically in group counseling, plus I see a substance abuse counselor every week. Although it’s technically not enough for the courts (or me to be honest), it’s something for now [I just noticed I’m typing properly in this post, awesome]. And like I’ve stated in a previous post, I have Medicaid, so I can’t even really find a “licensed psychologist”. At least I’m on a few waiting lists for legit mental health places (I would use the word “clinic”, but they’re better than clinics. Facilities?) =] BUT YEAH, back to the visitation thing .. so once I’ve got some legit therapy and at least a few months of completely clean drug tests (luckily that was never an issue in family court), I’ll file for visitation. If I STILL get denied, I guess I’ll have to DYFS (basically child protective services) to help me do what I need to do .. the courts can’t say no to what DYFS says yes to, so yay for that.

  1. What am I most grateful for?

As of right now, I’ll say I’m most grateful for methadone. More specifically, NJ’s Division of Mental Health and Addiction Services, who provides the MATI (I don’t know what the acronym means, sorry) grant, which helps un or under insured junkies, like myself, get access to methadone and substance abuse services for free or a low fee (free for me!). It sounds kind of stupid, but that shit has REALLY helped me get away from the #junkielife (lol I have no idea why I hashtag it, I just always have for some reason) and heroin. I wasn’t on heroin for THAT long (on and off since Spring 2011), but still .. I literally lost like EVERYTHING: my awesome career-like job that I got through a temp agency, my awesome place to live (I rented a room (technically the master suite; I had my own bedroom, bathroom, living area, loft, and staircase, yo!) in a beautiful Victorian house on the border of the Chambersburg and Section sections (lol, yes; this particular section of Trenton is legit called “the Section”) of Trenton, NJ), my friends and family, most of my values and morals … UGH. But, as stated above, life is slowly but surely coming back together. Oh, and you may think I’m weak for being on methadone .. but I really don’t give a damn! Methadone, Suboxone/Subutex, Vivitrol, etc. .. all of them, in my opinion, are fricken wonder drugs, dude. If we didn’t have them, imagine how worse the opiate/opioid epidemic in not only NJ and the region, but the WORLD would be if we didn’t have this stuff! I’m not sure if you’d consider yourself and addict, but if you don’t (and even if you do!), staying off drugs is MUCH easier said than done (and just simply getting off them is the easy part). That’s why, in my opinion, these drugs are lifesavers. Most, if not all addicts are weak, and having these help prevent relapse. To be honest, in my opinion, if the use of these drugs for maintenance reasons wasn’t as taboo as they are, there wouldn’t be as much relapse as there is now. What do you think? But yeah .. if I didn’t have methadone, I’d still be out there, getting worse and worse each day.

  1. Am I content?

At this exact moment? Meh, I guess I’m content. I’m kind of hungry (that hungry feeling you get after smoking too many cigarettes), and I plan on making a couple bagels as soon as I’m doing writing, editing, and posting this. I’m kind of cold, but I can’t really help that .. well I can, but I don’t want to be bitched at for a spike in the PSEG bill. My back hurts because the way I’m sitting, the type of desk I’m sitting at, and the chair. With life? Not really, no, I’m not that content. I mean, you should know that by now just by reading my first two answers, let alone my first two posts. Kinda sad, right? Meh, I’m used to it. Need I say more? I guess I can tell you a few more of my goals .. well my short term goals. Start therapy, find a part time job, enroll in school, not relapse, get out of this depression .. *shrug*. I know eventually I’ll be okay, but I want that to be now! Oh well .. I’m really kind of disappointed in the fact that I really can’t think of anything else to add to this particular question. Damn, yo =/

Well, that’s it! I hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me =] Yo, I really was planning on doing the whole 30 Day Drawing Challenge by searching DeviantArt, but it’s already 3:49am, and I still have to edit this post and submit it. Then I wanted to eat. Plus I have to be up early to go dose (get my methadone .. on Saturdays I go to the clinic and dose for Saturday and get a “take home bottle” for Sunday since they’re closed .. I’ll explain better a different time) since they’re only open until 10:30AMish. Ah well, I’ll post later. Goodnight -.-zZz

PS – I’m always going to say something like “as I’ve stated in a previous post” in almost every post I submit. Unfortunately, I’m probably not going to link that post with that line .. why? Because more than likely I’m going to say this more than once in a post, and so basically I’m linking you to the same “previous post” like 5 different times in the current post, especially since I only have a few posts as of right now. Do you think I should I do it anyway? Let me know! I actually ended up doing it for this post, woo.

hey guys! soo much to write, soo little space. not really, since i also have alot of space .. but ya know, my “too long” posts thing. i have lots to talk about this post including: how my day went and what i did, the 30 day challenge i chose, this blog, EMOJIS, and more!

first up: my day. like i said in my last post, i woke up at 2:30pm today (well, technically yesterday since it’s 12:08am 1/3 now). i started out by opening all of the windows and “baking” vanilla (see below) because i knew my dad would be home from work in a few hours, and i smoked [cigarettes] SOO much in the house even though i’m not supposed to =X then i had some coffee, chilled out, then ate a couple bagels with cream cheese (yo, plain thomas bagel things are the fricken bomb! especially when you toast them and spread on a nice layer of whipped cream cheese .. heaven!!). fun fact: never liked cream cheese until a few years ago when a dumbass at dunkin donuts put cream cheese on my bagel instead of butter .. i said fuck it and ate it and  i was literally in heaven. bagels with cream cheese are now officially my favorite food; take note =] i did some blog stuff like researching and reading .. then a little after 5 when my dad was on his way home from work he texted me telling me to pack up the tablet he got me for xmas so he can go return it. oh, and i also asked him for a few bucks to catch the bus to get my methadone tomorrow/today since my lazy, unmotivated ass didn’t call logisticare (medical transportation company for people on medicaid) for my bus pass until 12/28 when i was supposed to call them like AT LEAST 3 weeks in advance .. oops. but yeah, i’ve basically just been sitting here at the PC for the past like +7-8 hours playing on youtube (check out my channel!) and subscribing to like, everything. then i finally got around to writing, editing, and posting the previous post. i also browsed for some themes, and damn! making a nice “layout” is easier said that done! actually, scratch that .. all of it is hard as shit! can’t i just have something nice and plain for now that’s easily customizable? hmm, what else about my day? ha! yo, i literally took the world’s longest crap today, seriously. i wish i took a picture .. i actually contemplated it, too. it was AT LEAST a foot long. okay, that’s enough on that .. i signed up for this blogging 101 online class thing by the daily post. i’m really excited for it to be honest; i’m really hoping it’ll help me in becoming the journal blogger person girl yeah i want to become =] until then, [i’m pretty sure i’ve asked this before] do y’all have any tips/advice/sites you can link me to/etc. for me, based on what you have read so far?? 

oh, i almost forgot .. baking vanilla you may ask? Well i’m sure you’ve read somewhere on the internet that if you put a couple of capfuls of vanilla into a coffee cup and put it into the oven for an hour on 300° your house will smell delicious .. unfortunaly, it didn’t work the way i thought it would .. but it did get rid of the smell obviously since my dad said it smelt delicious when he got home and thought i was baking =] so yay for that.

and i’m sure you want to know why i want to return my tablet .. well i specifically asked for a certain android for xmas .. i knew he probably wouldn’t get it for me due to the fact that this particular one was only on sale from like 5-9pm on thanksgiving at toys r us, so i didn’t expect him to go to toys r us on thanksgiving. but it was a decent android SUPER on sale, so yeah. well he ended up getting me the shittiest windows tablet ever for STUPID reasons. so he is returning it and getting me an equally shitty android .. but whatever because android > windows .. well in this case lol. he got me the nextbook 8.1, and i’m getting the nextbook 7 //shrug oh well. i’ll still use his PC for most things (like this), but it’s nice to be able to bring outside to smoke or when i’m soo lazy on the couch. but yeah .. luckily it only took me like 10 minutes to get everything off the tablet (pix, docs, passwords, etc.) and get it all packed up. to be honest, i was gonna keep the sd card that came with it, but i couldn’t get the sticker to come off without it leaving sticker on the package. so i decided to be nice and put the card back in the box. besides, what would happen if the employee was actually smart enough to look in the box for the SD card just to tell my dad “no, can’t return it” .. that wouldn’t be the worst thing though since i would have had it, but oh well.

after submitting my last post, i realized that highlighting my questions for y’all in pink was pretty obnoxious .. and although it’s pretty helpful, it doesn’t match at all. from here on out, i’ll use a better color. i couldn’t find a better color to match the current layout, so i’m just going to bold the questions for the time being.

so, i decided i’m going to do the ~5 YEAR CHALLENGE~ according to april of cup of delight. She actually got the idea from tami taylor of debbiehodge.com. now their versions are for actual journals, but whatever! when i get around to starting my art journal, i’ll find different prompts =]. just by looking at january, i know this is going to be fun .. some questions are pretty thought provoking, while others are pretty ordinary and boring. ah well! check out my next post for my first three days =] i think i might also do a drawing and/or photography one, but the keyword is THINK. and i don’t have to start right now! i really need to get myself up and running before i overwhelm myself. until then, just my daily “dear diary” and my 5 year challenge, deal? deal. oh yeah, speaking of drawing challenges .. i found the cutest responses to a drawing challenge by a girl who calls herself wedgie; check them out here! i was also thinking of doing like a half and half drawing/photo challenge by maybe going through deviant art and finding something. that’s a really awesome idea, don’t cha think? #1 i can’t draw for shit, and #2 that would be a challenge in itself trying to find the a picture i like best for each day. yeah, i’m gonna do it!!

some questions for you guys: #1 what do y’all think of my about me page? anything i should add/delete/etc? i’m actually kind of surprised i came up with all of that on my own; usually i absoluty SUCK at writing bios about myself.  #2 have you ever heard of the happiness project by gretchen rubin?? can you tell me more about it? did you try it? did it work for you? i’m kind of intrigued, but it seems pretty complicated. i definitely deserve to be happy, but i don’t even know where to start .. i have NOTHING going on in my life right now, but so much at the same time *sigh*. #3 how do y’all feel about me typing in all lowercase instead of correctly? how about when i use apostrophes as quotes like ‘blah blah’ instead of “blah blah”? to be honest, it’s just alot easier to type ‘ than ” .. yeah, i’m really that lazy =/ #4 when it comes to writing prompts, x day challenges, and the link .. what are your favorite websites for these topics, and why? how about actual therapeutic journaling? 

EMOJIS!! as you’ve noticed, i found an emoji plugin for wordpress, so i downloaded and added it to my visual editor =] i’m so excited, and there are soo many! these are my favorites ~~> PSSH! looks likes i can’t use plugins on the .com version. I was dumb and made this post before I installed the emojis I downloaded on wordpress.ORG .. blah blah blah. UNLESS .. there IS an admin panel on .com, and I just can’t find it? help? 

god, i’m soo overwhelmed on things i want to write and talk about with you guys .. but i just wanted a short and sweet post. when i have more time i’ll do a random post .. i still have to a do a decent “about me” post in which i tell you about what’s going on in my life and how i got here and all that “fun” stuff anddd i need to do an “about these people” post in which i tell you about the people in my life that i’ll talk about in my life.

i’ll do a few more paragraphs .. i’m 27 (11/13/87 is my birthday =]), how old are you? i’m telling you my age because i want to know: do anyone of you remember AOL zines? how about those corny little websites we used to make on like geocities, angelfire, but not expage (lol)? i don’t even really remember what they were called if they even had a real name. i had a couple, they were all lame. it was a privilege if you had a domain name. and i can’t remember ANY popular site. then we had guilds? and the quilting bee? i can’t find SHIT anymore. i remember funkychickens.com; surprisingly they’re still online! they were my main source for learning html .. i wonder if i browse through there if i’ll find any of the popular sites .. lol on their main page it says something about expage.com! so i typed expage.com in my browser and they don’t exist anymore, ha! but yeah, i can’t find any popular sites .. ah well. do you know if any are still up [and running]? 

as you may have [but probably haven’t] read on my first post, i talked about coming up with my blog’s name, but not what i actually settled with. obviously, i came up Thoughts Gone Awry since Thoughts Gone Astray was unfortunately taken .. by someone who only wrote like 2 posts years ago! i was kinda pissed! but oh well. i mean, astray definitely sounds better than awry, but they both basically mean the same thing, and that’s what matters. also, i was able to make my username for wordpress blo0dchild, so that’s nice too. do you like it? why/why not? 

one last paragraph .. xmas. what did i get for xmas? i got that tablet and a little protective case for it, a coloring book (wtf why), a variety puzzle book (again, wtf why), some milk duds (finally, wtf why .. my teeth! my poor teeth!), chocolate coin crisp things(<~~~ all from dad), socks, a couple poofs aka shower loofahs (<~~~dad and sister), those aloe sock things (sister), a walmart (dad) and itunes (dad’s gf) gift card, both for $15 (really, only $15? gtfo), and this ugly bracelet that i’ll never wear (dad’s gf). yeah, i didn’t get much, but i’m not complaining .. actually i am as you read, but whatever. i’m grateful =] of course i didn’t wake up until like 2-3pm since my sleep schedule is fucked .. my dad and his gf coming home from her house woke me up. so we all opened gifts, then we went to TGIFridays for dinner and it was yummy =] i got the 2/$15 deal and picked the spinach dip and a medium rare sirloin with mashed taters and mixed veggies =D we were SUPPOSED to drive around and look at the xmas lights after dinner, but my dad’s gf wanted to go home because i hate her so we didn’t go =( i was legit pretty mad but oh well cos playing on the internet was more fun, i guess. plus i didn’t go to sleep until like 6am because i spent all night playing on the new tablet. i slept right through my alarm to go dose (pick up my methadone) which really sucked because they were only open from 7-10am on 12/26 for some stupid reason.

what did YOU get for xmas? what did you do? if you don’t celebrate, what DO you celebrate? does that holiday include exchanging gifts? if so, what did you get? 

alrighty, i’m off to do my challenges ..