Good evening, you beautiful soul! ❤ 😀 I hope you had a nice Monday. Mine wasn’t horrible, but we’ll talk about that some other time; I want to get straight down to business.

I mentioned on Saturday that “I still have to a do a decent “about me” post”, so what you’re about to read is a little introduction about who I am and why I’m here, blogging on WordPress… I hope that after reading this, you either continue to follow me, or decided to follow me 🙂

I like to think that I’m cute and funny although I’d like to be hott and hilarious, but I’m probably just average and corny… YOU BE THE JUDGE. Ha, I crack myself up. Seriously though, that’s really what I think. I’m a 27 year old female from Central NJ. I should have an awesome career, a degree, a sexy husband, and MAYBE a family… but I have NONE of these things, although I do have a 7 year old son, Jay, out of wedlock, but I haven’t seen or spoken to him in over 4 years. “Oh, no! Why?” you may ask? Long story short, I’m a (what I like to call) a “crazy junkie”; I’m an ex heroin addict with Borderline Personality Disorder. Although I don’t consider myself in “real” addiction recovery (as in, I’m not a 12 stepper; I just don’t get high), I haven’t used any hard drugs since July 27, 2014 :D. I’ll admit, I am on methadone maintenance (which is very controversial)… but it sure as hell beats where I was just a few months ago. I’m now slowly, but surely getting better; I’m getting help for my substance abuse issues, and I’m on a waiting list (I’m on Medicaid, but it’s better than nothing… plus, it’s free :D) to get help for my mental heath issues. Once I’m confident that I’ve made a significant improvement, I will try to see Jay again; hopefully his father, Kyle, and Family Court have the confidence by then as well.

Since I don’t work ($ = trigger = relapse = 👿 ), go to school (my Financial Aid appeal to local my Community College was denied back in December, so I don’t have many other options), or really do anything at all, I began contemplating starting a vlog. It seemed really fun, but I was lacking some things, the most important being a decent camera. So then I decided that maybe blog may be better (for the time being); I’ve already been trying to journal for the past couple years, only to stop after a few weeks or months. It was fun and surprisingly made me feel better, but then I’d get discouraged and stop when I’d forget and not write a couple of days in a row. I did very little research on blogging before I made the decision to make a WordPress account and start writing long, boring posts about my day, life, thoughts, and etc; I’m actually journaling, not blogging, which is what I wanted… right? Well, duh… but after doing more research on blogging, I knew I could make something bigger if I really wanted to.

I literally don’t have any talents; at least, none that I’m aware of. While doing my blogging research, the lightbulb in my head came on :idea:. “Here’s something I really haven’t thought about trying and having it successfully work out… what if blogging is my expertise?!” I figured that I could at least just start out by actually journaling; as long as I continue to research and practice what they preach, I’d be in business! Speaking of preaching, I stumbled upon WordPress’ official unofficial (or is it unofficial official?) blog, The Daily Post, a blog by bloggers, for bloggers. This blog seemed pretty fricken informative, so I read article after article after article, until I found the Holy Grail, *THE* information I was looking for… a FREE 30 day blogging course! And OMG! The course was starting in less than a week! It’s called Blogging 101, and it’s basically a 30 day online course for beginner bloggers; it’s pretty self explanatory just by reading the title. I signed up for it immediately and literally counted down the hours until the first lesson, “Introducing Yourself” was posted. Now here I am, introducing myself to you.

Now that you know a little about me and why I’m here, the next question is… who exactly are you? I imagine you to be someone who just loves meeting new, interesting people, and wanting to know their story. You’re very opinionated, and you appreciate like minded people; you know what you want in life, you take pleasure in debating, and always have great, original thoughts, suggestions, advice, etc. You know you’re the complete opposite of me, yet you have a strange desire to find at least one thing we have in common. And of course, you enjoy reading journal-like blogs, such as mine; you are delighted by interacting with others with your above mentioned thoughts and etc. just as I do. You’re not just a reader… you’re my fan, and I’m your’s. Finally, and most importantly… you might be an addict, mentally ill, or both; and, following along beside me, you’re trying to find the experience, strength, and hope to start a life worth living. ^^’ ❤ ❤

I honestly, truly do want to make this blog “bigger than I ever thought possible”, but I need to start slow. I don’t need to focus on posting literal awry thoughts, but sometimes it’s alright if I know it’ll be a good story. Basically, I just want to #1 write whatever comes to mind, and go with it. Some days a journal entry, some days a prompt or two, some days something totally different; I really don’t know… Thoughts Gone Awry is only a few days old, so it’s really too early to decide, don’t you agree? #2 I want to interact with my readers; I’ve already asked countless questions. Unfortunately, nobody has answered them; but that’s okay! Like I said, not even a week old! But my ultimate goal, if blog successfully throughout 2015 (and beyond!), I’ll accomplish so much! As stated above, I’ll have legit fans, not just readers… and plenty of you! Continuous interaction; we’ll never get bored… we’ll answer prompts together and (or at least) discuss them. I’ll do Q&A’s and tags for y’all. I want you all to be there when things start getting really good in my life; if any of you are struggling addicts, I want to be able to motivate you to stop getting high and start living a life worth living! Seriously yo, to me, hanging out on the internet all day and interacting with people… doing what I want y’all to do with me, is more fun than drooling all over myself half asleep… and believe me dude, I legit thought that was fun.

Well, there ya have it! Everything you wanted to know about me, why I’m here, and why I want you to love me, hah! I’ll love you too though, that’s the whole reason why I want you in the first place! In all seriousness though, I really hope you were entertained by this learning experience as much as I took joy in writing it… and I’m not even being sarcastic; I actually had fun writing this, believe it or not. Yes, it was tedious since I really don’t like writing bios, but I pulled through because I REALLY want to get this blogging stuff down! buenos noches mi amigo 😀 <~~ lol did I spell that right?

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Comments
  1. I like where you are going with this… and maybe someday you’ll inspire other recovering addicts or others with BPD to share their stories as well. That’s what I thought of when you said bigger than you ever thought possible… maybe you can be someone’s inspiration to seek treatment for something troubling them in their own personal life. Good luck with your journey! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mass says:

    congrats on the July 27 date keep it up, you seemed pretty nervous i hope you become more comfortable both with your writing as well as yourself. what do you do all day and how do you survive if you don’t work? are you living with family, friends? you should also look into writing to a prisoner, many are going through similar spots and are looking for someone to talk to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for the congrats! Do I really seem nervous? I don’t feel it, but meh; maybe it’s because I legit want this to work out.

      You ask why I do all day and how do I survive if I don’t work. I *GRATEFULLY* live at my dad’s with him and my sister .. the only thing that sucks about living with him (I don’t mind living with her, expect for the fact that she never puts her dishes in the dishwasher!) is that it really, truly seems like he’s pushing my buttons ON PURPOSE so I can freak out and he can kick me out AGAIN. Again? Yeah, a few years ago, BEFORE I even started getting high (on heroin… he never cared that I smoked pot) because I freaked out on him for doing his button pushing thing. What I mean by that is that freaks out on on me for *ABSOLUTELY NO REASON* (here’s one – he freaked out on me tonight actually for not telling him there was no more color safe bleach, and he couldn’t do his *ANY* laundry because of it! #1 I never use that shit, and neither does my sister #2 he damn well knew he was running low OBVIOUSLY since he’s the only one who uses it!!!), so I freak out back, and boom I’m in the crisis center or holding because he called the cops on a false accusation, and because he’s the homeowner and I’m documented crazy, he wins 😦 I survive on “government handouts” lol as I like to call them; food stamps and Medicaid. Unfortunately I’m not receiving welfare (cash assistance) but I really don’t care because if I do extra work around the house, my dad buys me smokes. Andd I sleep all day. Literally hahaha. Seriously though, for some reason I’m nocturnal, and I try SO hard to get into a normal thing, and fail miserably. So I wake up around 2-3pm, go to IOP (and dose) from 4-7pm (or sometimes 8pm), and then chill out until around 6-7am, and do it all over again!

      I like what I wrote 🙂 I’m actually going to put that in my newest post. Thanks again; talk to you soon! 😀 ❤

      Like

    • Ahh, I was soo caught up in the previous question that I forgot about the prisoner comment. I actually wrote a “friend” while he maxed for about six months out last year. It was really fun writing back and forth, and the cute drawings were nice, too 🙂 He got out in April 2014, but the dumbass caught a new charge because he did the SAME EXACT THING, so now he’s sitting in county .. I thought about writing him, but I decided not to. Maybe I actually should, since you mentioned it… he always did complain about how he “had sooo many friends until he’d get locked up and never hear from them”. Thanks for the confirmation!

      Like

  3. mmeeshal says:

    I really love this post, and your writing style. Legit. I *think* it’s buenas noches, but yeah. 😛 Well done, and…who am I? I’m…someone who wants to be a leader in life, and I want to improve myself to the best of my ability because if I don’t, I’ll end up wallowing in self-pity like I have been for the past…almost-decade? I don’t have the luxury of settling for boring or “normal.” It’s all or nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. calensariel says:

    I love your candidness and your humor. I’m a journaler at heart. It’s like breathing, actually. So I be this blog is going to be very good for you!

    Like

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